Sequencing makes room for everything in life to happen in its own time. You can have it all, but just maybe not all at the same time. With sequencing, all life's events and experiences take place on a logical, gentle timeline.
The seasons of life
Contributed by Kassandra Brown
Sequencing is the idea that a woman can have it all but not all at once. I first encountered the term in Arlene Cardoza’s book of the same name. She wrote the book in half hour typing increments while her young daughter played nearby.
I find her example inspiring and it reminds me that I can accomplish great things with small steps. I don’t have to be everything to everyone at the same time.
Sequencing makes room for everything to happen in its own time. It allows for more space and a gentler timeline. To understand it better, we can look to the seasons in the natural world. Spring is a time for new growth and gathering forces beneath the surface. Summer is a time for vibrant growth, late nights, lots of action and lazy sun-lizard naps. Autumn is a time to harvest and review what grew from the seeds we planted in spring and nourished in summer. Winter is a time to regenerate, be introspective, and in some ways go dormant in order to do it all again in the spring.
Imagine the chaos and frustration of trying to skip a season or hurry it along. Yet this is just what many of us do by expecting ourselves to be ‘on’ all the time.
Seasons of a new baby
If you have a new baby and are just starting to stay at home, you might be in the season of autumn with pregnancy, spring with parenting, winter with career and summer with friendships. Romance might be in a season you’ve never known before and it might take some time to identify it.
How can you be in all those seasons at the same time? Let’s look at having a new baby in closer detail.
Pregnancy in autumn
You’ve harvested the seeds. The baby is born! But just because you are no longer pregnant doesn’t mean that your body is done. Healing is paramount. It is also a good time to take stock of what happened, what worked well and what you would change about your pregnancy and birth.
Parenting in spring
Lots of new energy, new growth, fast learning curve. Who is this new person you’re spending so much time with? What do they need and want? Who are you now that the baby is here? What parenting styles and techniques do you like? Do you and your partner agree? Questions and new growth are sign posts of spring.
Career in winter
Winter can be scary. Is my career dead or just hibernating? If we allow some career downtime, we can devote more energy toward healing our bodies from pregnancy and allowing out minds and hearts to adapt to the new roles of parenting. After the downtime we may find renewed energy, a renewed idea for career, or even a metamorphosis.
Friendships in summer
You have time to connect over tea while nursing or walk with friends while Baby naps. You feel the growth of abundant connection. This summer of friendship is not guaranteed, but it is one benefit you make room for if you choose sequencing and the inspiration of the seasons.
The ideas of seasonality and sequencing help to create more spaciousness in my life and I hope these ideas bring some welcome reflection to yours. What seasons of life are you in?
About the author
Kassandra Brown is a writer, friend and parent coach. Working over the phone, internet or in person at parentcoaching.org she can help you thrive within all the seasons of your life.