Ever Wonder How A Stay-At-Home-Mom (SAHM) Feels?

Ever wonder how a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) feels? Does she feel pressured, to keep the house clean, the bills paid, the cupboards stocked? Does she ever feel overwhelmed by this pressure combined with what she feels her "duty" in the house is now that there's only one paycheck? Read about one woman's questions, and the answers her friends offer.
by Real moms

I LOVE being a SAHM! Let me just first say that. I have friends that have to work full time and put their babies in daycare, so I know how lucky I am. The thing is, I've always worked! ALWAYS! I started when I was 16 (babysitting before that, though) worked part-time in college, and full time after that, even while in massage school full time I worked full time - sometimes leaving home at 8am and not getting home until midnight. The past few years, I've worked as a massage therapist and I love it -- but nothing can compare to the love and satisfaction I get out of taking care of my baby!

It's so hard to find that balance between baby, house, husband, and "you time." I am still figuring it out. The house isn't clean, food isn't always on the table, etc. My husband has watched Gavin for a day and knows how hard it is, so he doesn't expect these things to be done... although I still feel guilty like you. I am sure as they get older we will get the hang of it. How did June Cleaver do it, and in only 30 minutes? - Julie

Because I've always worked outside the home, I feel like everything at home has to be perfect. If I'm not working and my husband is working 50-60 hours a week, then shouldn't he come home to a clean house, dinner, bills paid, etc...? I just feel like I have to "earn my keep," if you get what I'm saying. Lately, it's just all a little too much. I know I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself, but how do I stop? Then, I get mad at my husband because when he comes home, he just holds our son while I get the rest of the cleaning, laundry, dinner, or whatever done. It's like I do all the work and he just gets to play with the baby. I tried to talk to him about it, but he just doesn't get it. - mommyinmarch

I have the same problem. I am also a SAHM and my husband works -- but he works from 3am to 11:30am, so he is home all day long. He takes the baby for me while I do cleaning but that is it. Once I am done he gives her back I have no time to do anything I want to but he has all the time in the world. I have been fussing at him soo much lately he has been a little better about it, but I also realize they won't be this little long she is going to be crawling soon and then she won't want to be held so I better hold her while I can. Yes, I also agree about doing everything around the house I don't ask him to do anything even though I am running around the house like mad woman he just sits there most ofthe time and watches me holding the baby. I get a little irritated sometimes too. - cjstigers4

I feel this way too. I have always worked. I am a total control freak, and my husband works 11-hour days, so I do try to have laundry done and the house looking good when he gets home. But yes, sometimes that is all I do. (There is an article in Parents Magazine where it says that you have to "let go" of your desire to be perfect. ) Now, I give myself Fridays off. I try to do very little housework on Fridays. And you know what, my husband hasn't noticed that the house doesn't look as nice. I don't think he really cares. He's happy when I am happy. Seriously, your husband would rather see you happy when he comes home than a clean house. - Cookie2003

The only thing that helped me, was husband doesn't quit "work" until I do. If he comes home from his paying job and I'm still working, I make sure to mention that he should be doing something too! He's still working on it. I grew so resentful of him after our daughter. He just figured that because I was at home, I wasn't doing anything and he figured I shouldn't be tired or anything. Every now and then he'll watch the kids for 2 hours and be freaking out. The only thing I can suggest for your husband to get it, is don't do anything you usually do beyond feeding kids and caring to their basic needs. When your husband notices state nicely, "I'm not doing what I regularly do". Usually they'll get that it isn't a walk in the park and they should help more. Good Luck - Crystal

I think I have a super-husband, because he is SO understanding. When he gets home from work at 7pm, HE makes dinner, if I haven't had a chance, while holding Ally so I get a break. On the weekends, he cooks, cleans, does laundry, builds things, paints, etc. He is always saying, "You DO work! Taking care of Ally is a full time job" and has NO expectations in terms of a clean house, dinner on the table, etc. Of course, it sounds to me like it's YOUR expectations of yourself that are the problem. And I don't have advice, except to try to remember that caring for a baby is HARD! And it's a 24 hour job, not somethign that you do for 8 hours and then leave at the end of the day. As far as I'm concerned, it's SO much harder than working full time outside the house. But I love it so much more! - maria423

We have the same issues. I don't feel like I contribute becuase I am not contributing money to the family. My husband and I have gotten into it a couple times, but we have both came to realize that there are other contributions besides money. For now we are enjoying that we actually see each other in our awake hours. We have lowered our expectations, we no longer try to be gourmets, it is more like build your own sub/salad for dinner than spend time cooking really complicated stuff. Laudry with two boys and our little pooper is an endless process. Everytime we go downstairs we start a load and bring it up. I can understand the pressure, but staying at home is supposed to be enjoyable, put aside some time each day to take time off and do nothing. Instead of concentrating on your to do's, concentrate on what you have accomplished. - Sherrie

I had been feeling the same way for a while until my husband took some leave and stayed home with me and all three kids. He learned fast that you just can't keep the house clean. I do good to get dinner fixed on time nowadays. I was always trying to keep the house clean, have dinner done, clothes all washed up, floors picked up but now, who cares! I don't worry about it any more. I have 3 kids, 3 kids to play with, feed, cuddle and love. The house work will be there, my kids won't always be kids. Enjoy them now, they grow so fast. Don't beat yourself up over the darn house. Just live and let live! - TammyPregnancyAndBaby.com


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