It's a function of logistics (half-time parent, full-time working guy, overtime freelancer) and knowledge of my own limited communication skills (kick ass writer, smart in discussions, terrible at small talk). I do much better wooing a woman via email than trying to maintain a conversation in a smoky bar.
Tips for single parents
So, here are my rules for single parents trying online dating:
But, photos are deceiving, and we all should tacitly admit that chemistry comes as much from physical attraction as it does from intellectual compatibility. There are guys out there whose online photos are 10 years old, and when you meet them, though they may be nice enough, they've put 50 pounds on their butts and bellies, and their hair has migrated from their heads to their nostrils. At least, when you meet a new person in context (bar, place of worship, grocery store, workplace), you can establish the physical part right away. If your brains aren't in the same place, at least you won't feel shallow when things don't work out.
And there are some real dangers that you're going to miss something and end an email-spawned romance too early. Dating situations that begin online are the lab-grown versions of free-range relationships -- early signs of potential incompatibility become deal-breakers when a person hasn't had a chance to grow on you over time.
My best friend is dubious of my online adventures, because he worries that I may meet the right girl, but one of us will say something stupid early on and mess the whole thing up. We won't have the same sense of shared experience we might if we met in a more natural context over an extended period of time. There won't be that foundation of "Oh, I couldn't stand him when we first met, but I realized after the third or fourth time we spoke that he's really quite charming." It's a point I'm prone to ignore -- you know, if the sparks aren't there on our first date, why meet again? But the truth is, as my sister says, we send "representatives" of ourselves out to first dates and job interviews, and, with blind/online-initiated meetings, there's not the same chance to get beyond those facades and fall in love with the real person.
The thing is, if you find yourself falling for a smooth e-mailer who's funny, romantic, obviously well-informed and likes all the things you do, you're only setting yourself up for the big smackeroo when you see her at your meeting place before she sees you, and wonder how quickly you can end the date. There are wonderful men and women out there, who do terrific e-mail, but turn out to be not your type. Meet, figure out if anything's there, then get into the hot and heavy text.
And, though I believe in the theory "the more friends, the better," it's not fair to allow your child to develop attachments that you might find yourself unable to maintain. All single parents are aware of this, of course, but we still have the propensity to slip when a new person comes into our life after a drought of satisfying assignations, and connect too quickly, and lose all sense of perspective. When only your own heart is at stake, it can be worth the risk. But take your time before inserting your child into the experience.