Melissa Leonard
Her husband knew she needed to time for herself if she was going to get through this difficult period. Often, even if only for 15 minutes, he would insist that she leave the house and take a walk around the block. Twelve years later, she still recalls how that short walk would clear her mind and give her the second wind she needed to get through the next few hours with her colicky child.
Being a parent is an enormous responsibility and a full-time job. You often feel like you are running on a treadmill that never slows down. If you don't occasionally get off that treadmill and give yourself a chance to rest, you will eventually collapse and breakdown.
No matter what the situation, you must take the time to take care of yourself. Remember:
Sleep when your baby sleeps. Your baby's nap times may seem like the opportune time to get things done, but use some of this time to catch up on lost sleep. You'll be more productive and less overwhelmed.
Take friends or family up on their offer to watch your child.
Sometimes prioritizing responsibilities is the only way to get through the day, week or month. Don't expect to be Supermom right off the bat. Set a schedule that works for you and your baby, then stick with it.
Remember, you must put yourself first, and learning to say no to others will only assist in making you a more prudent decision maker.
There will be times when friends will ask you to join them at their child's school play, want to come and visit, friends who commute to an office asking that you watch their child after work until the sitter arrives. It is not considered improper etiquette to say no to friends and family if you simply cannot seem to balance your new life. When saying no to friends, be decisive?Tell them up-front that due to your schedule with the baby, it just wouldn't be realistic at this time. A baby is unpredictable, and you can't be everything all the time, so take pride in small tasks accomplished.
Expect the unexpected! Don't plan too rigidly as it is inevitable that your baby will spit up or poop right when you walk out the door.
Be organized. Keep extra clothes for your baby in a few locations such as the car, the diaper bag, etc. A great trick is to bring Ziploc bags with you so soiled clothes can be stored away without smelling up your car or other people's homes.
Communicate with your spouse about your day. You cannot expect your spouse to understand what a hard day you had with the baby unless you calmly tell them. By communicating, you are less likely to blow up and take your frustration and stress out on your husband. In addition, your spouse is better able to be understanding and help you unwind.
Turn your cell phone and telephone ringer off when you are resting. Often, the sound of ringing compels people to feel that they must answer the phone.
Instead of giving friends and family a definite answer on the spot, ask, "May I please get back to you?" It gives you time to collect your thoughts and get back to them without being impulsive and regretting your decision.
Be gracious when others are holding your baby?even if they start crying. Allow for other people's style of holding or feeding your baby. It is often more important to have the break. This also helps your child become more adaptable which will be a bonus when it comes time for babysitters.
If your child is crying, but you know you need to leave him to settle down, set a timer for 10 to 15 minutes, turn off the baby monitor. Every minute can seem like an hour when your infant is crying. Use that time to unwind and get things done.
Get a cordless headset phone. This allows you to get things done while on the phone. Whether it is unloading the dishwasher or making bottles, having both hands free with allow you to get more done while catching up with friends.
Have reciprocal playdates with other friends who are new parents. One week you can take their baby for a few hours and the next week they can take your baby. It may be double the work on the days where you have their baby, but the free time you will have the following week can make it all worthwhile. Expect to get nothing done when it is your turn to take another child and don't feel bad about this. After all, you are providing your child the opportunity to learn to get along with others. There will be days where you feel burdened by your mental to do list. Keep a pad and carry it in your purse, at home or in your diaper bag and jot down things that pop into your head. This way you won't have extra stress in trying to remember what you needed to take care of.
How to say 'no' graciously
Handling advice
Accept advice from others graciously by saying, "I will take that into consideration?thank you." Remember, you do not have to follow the advice that others give you. It's your life and your baby, so don't worry so much about what others think.
People always have their opinions. One friend had her baby in a snuggly and a stranger in a store said to her, "Her face is buried in there, she is going to suffocate." My friend simply said, "When she is uncomfortable, believe me, she'll let me know. Following up comments or unwanted advice with a joke can keep things friendly and easy. Social visits
Remember, you don't have to be around for every time someone comes to visit your new baby. Have your husband host some of the visits and you the others. When it is your husband's turn, use the time to nap or relax.
When others want to visit, set boundaries. State how long you have when they arrive and stick to it. This allows you to enjoy the visit and still stay on schedule.
Dealing with phone calls
When people call at a bad time, say "I would love to chat with you, but it's not a good time." Then state the time that works better. You can also say, "I've had a long day and have to do a few things while the baby naps, can I call you back later?"
If you tell another to 'call anytime', they just might do that. Watch what you offer. Saying NO!
The less said the better! Keep reasons why you are unable to do something simple. Giving others lots of excuses can result in them trying solutions to those reasons.
Learn to say "no" in the beginning. Once a schedule has been established, communicate good times to friends.
Be careful not to volunteer out of habit. Are they asking because you offered?
If someone asks you for a favor or help, it is okay to say no. The quicker you say no, the quicker they can find someone else on their list to assist them. You can also politely say, "I'd love to help, but I am not the one for the job."
Be definite in your own mind when you say no. By being firm, you don't freeze and sound nervous when asked to do something that just doesn't work for you.
Finding extra time to pamper yourself
Get to appointments early so you have extra time to sit and read a magazine or book.
Find out when there are school breaks and vacations and hire a mother's helper or babysitter. Even an hour or two can make a difference. You can take a break, do errands or clean the house.
Carry a book with you and try to snatch any free time to read, perhaps when you are at the park.
When going to and from errands, have books on tape for the car.
View chores as a mental break and take pride in accomplishing each task. Practice trying not to worry about your child when they are with a babysitter. Use your free time to get things done.
Connecting with other parents
Many parents want to seek out other parents for support, especially if they are in a new town or don't have any friends with young children. Here are some ways to meet and connect with other new parents:
While pregnant, start creating a network. Pre-natal and Lamaze classes are wonderful places to meet other mom and dads-to-be.
Mommy & Me classes are packed with new parents.
Your church or temple will be able to connect you with other new parents in the community.
The supermarket is always full of parents with babies. Strike up a conversation and perhaps phone numbers will be exchanged. Internet sites such as Modern Mom (modernmom.com) have playgroups that anyone can join in many towns.
Pediatricians are usually more than happy to get you in touch with other moms.
Search local parenting magazines for activities in the communities.
Take a walk around the neighborhood or park. Other moms may be there and seek you out for a conversation. Look friendly and approachable.
Story time, playgroups and the community bulletin board at the library are a great resource.
