Although pregnancy and parenting don't require a degree, sometimes we can all benefit from a different point of view. Get some down-to-earth advice here from two real-life moms: the wise and witty -- and very opinionated -- Andi and Penelope.
Andi and Penelope

Dear Just Add Baby: I just found out I'm pregnant and am thrilled. Unfortunately, a good friend of mine has been trying to conceive for years with no success. I'm struggling with how and when I should break my news to her. I'm worried this could jeopardize our friendship, and it seems so unfair.

ndi: Congratulations on your pregnancy! This is indeed a tricky situation to navigate. To preserve your friendship, you'll no doubt need to be careful with each other well beyond making your announcement -- at least until she herself is happily pregnant.

Penelope: The very fact that you are taking your time and considering her feelings even at this early stage of your pregnancy makes me think your friendship has a better than average chance of surviving this.



Andi:I have been in your friend's shoes. Based on my experience, I can tell you that it is possible (and likely) that she will be simultaneously thrilled for you and angry or depressed (or both). One thing for sure, though: Once you're ready to go public, tell her right away.

Penelope: Yes! There's never going to be an easy time to break this news to her. But she's likely to feel betrayed if she hears it from someone else first. I also think you should announce this to her privately, so she has time to process this news before putting on a public face about it.

Andi: And maybe it was just me, but when I was going through this, I also preferred hearing this kind of news over the phone, so I had time to digest it (and cry silently and privately about my own bad luck) before seeing my newly pregnant friend face-to-face again. I was miserable with my own infertility but really didn't want to be a damper on anyone's happiness.

Penelope: If you really can't face her or can't stand to be the bearer of bad news, think about talking to her husband instead, and having him tell her. That way she can vent and yell if she needs to, without further strain on your relationship.PregnancyAndBaby.com

Tags: friend telling


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Comments

LeeAnn April 02, 2012
I have been on the side of your friend, and believe me, having someone like you being so caring will overshadow her feelings about her infertility. I had 3 miscarriages in 3 years, the last pregnancy all SIX of my friends got pregnant at the same time and now have healthy babies, except for me. The ones I had no problem being around were the ones who didn't tip toe around me, but didn't shove their pregnancy on me every chance they got. It was so hard to deal with, but it wasn't their fault I was going through what I did. It wasn't jealousy, it was "why did God choose me for this to happen to?" What did I do wrong? Share it with her, and tell her she is welcome to cuddle with your baby whenever she'd like : ) That was my favorite part about having so many pregnant friends. If I ever felt sad, I knew one of the Mommy's would like to have a little break, and I could go over and just hold a baby for a while to feel better! Congratulations!
Julie April 01, 2012
If she's a real friend she won't be so narcissistic to think that your reproductive plans revolve around her life. I think it's great that you want to be sensitive to her plight (I would be too) and it is completely understandable for her to feel sad. At the same time I would hope she cares about you as much as you obviously care for her and (after her initial sadness) be able to be happy for you.