OK, you can probably file this little tidbit of information under “no duh,” but apparently there really is such thing as an oral sex gap. Yup, women are twice as likely to go down on their partners and half as likely to receive pleasure when the favor is returned. Kind of messed up, right?
While TV and movies would have us believe that all women are walking around desperate to have someone go down on them, according to a somewhat recent Esquire poll, 10 percent of the women they talked to said they didn’t like receiving oral at all. And a whopping 44 percent of women said it could be “nice” every once in awhile. What gives?
We’ll tell you what gives. While tons of people like to brag that they are gifted when it comes to pleasuring a woman with oral sex, they probably aren’t. And to make matters worse, a lot of us are too embarrassed to call the shots and guide someone when they are down there. Nope, we grin and bear it and most of the time even give the person a pat on the back for their efforts. Awkward.
More: 8 Ways to Bang Out an Orgasm With a Partner Without Actually Having Penetrative Sex
But no more! Use these tips to guide your partner to giving the best oral ever. For the most part, it really is all about finding out what works for you and what doesn’t. Print these tips out, hand them to your partner, and then let them get to work.
1. Variety is key
We already know that variety is the spice of life, and this couldn’t ring truer than when it comes to oral sex. In other words, always keep her guessing, and she’s likely to do you the same favor in return. “Different strokes may work better on different days. If you find something she likes, come back to it repeatedly, with pauses in between,” Janet Lieberman, CTO at Dame Products, says, “Much like the trick of making a pool feel warmer by getting out and getting back in, taking a quick break and coming back to it provides a boost in intensity. It also helps you avoid overstimulating a specific cluster of nerves.”
2. Say a little prayer
For those feeling nervous about performing oral sex, it may help to send up a prayer — and try the praying position first. Eric Marlowe Garrison, clinical sexologist and bestselling author of Mastering Multiple Position Sex, says of his favorite hands-on oral technique, “Because I believe that perfect practice makes perfect, something I learned from my high school marching band director, it’s important that she help him with his technique. One of the ways that I’d recommend this happen is that she places her hands as though she’s praying, and she drops them down to where her vulva is. She can do this fully clothed, or she can do this partially clothed, or she can do this naked. With her thumb as the clitoris and the space between the two index fingers as the introitus, she can talk to him about how and where he needs to use his fingers, tongue or toys. She can also ask her partner to put his hands in the same position, and then show him how it can be done.”
3. Take things slow
Once you make it to her clit and vagina, gently lick all around. Direct stimulation can be too intense for some, so explore the surrounding area. Ask her where she likes to be touched. You don’t have to be rough with your mouth unless she wants you to. It’s always best to start off slow, unless she specifically requests otherwise. Some women do like it when you roughly use your tongue and mouth, but only do so if she asks.
Alexandra Fine, CEO at Dame Products, agrees that slow and steady wins the race, “There are lots of tips and tricks on how to do the deed, but where most men fail in cunnilingus is during the arousal phase. Women can take 20 minutes plus to get physically aroused. That means that, however slowly you think you are getting from her mouth to her clit — go slower! Wait until she arches her back and thrusts her hips up — then you’ll know you’ve hit the spot.”
Next Up: Try the reverse hug technique
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