Oh Tinder, you veritable dumping ground of creepy men with fire in their loins, what would we do without you?
First thought? Sleep more soundly at night. Second thought, of course, is that we’d probably laugh less often. The proof is in these 20 mystifying and creepy Tinder texts, straight out of happily ever after.
Starting with a bang
Image: TinderLines.com
OK, probably not an actual bang.
Squirrels are sexy
Image: TinderCreeps.com
Hot. Steamy. Squirrels. Sounds more like roadkill than a pickup line.
Bonus points: Accounting for Pluto’s change in planetary status
Image: Straight White Boys Texting
Negative points for… everything else.
Solid movie reference
Image: TinderLines.com
Less creepy, more awesome. She prob should have given him a chance.
Actually, that sounds about right
Image: Straight White Boys Texting
We’ll give him an A+ for awareness.
Do you understand pickup lines?
Image: Tinder’s Finest Bachelors
Does an occasional dose of Tylenol give a woman a certain look?
Wheelchairs and pumpkin spice
Image: Humor Sharing
He probably should have specified his plans more thoroughly to avoid this awkwardness.
Which kind of terrible things?
Image: TinderLines.com
Like eating a burrito before CrossFit? That kind of a terrible thing?
Never drink and Tinder
Image: TinderLines.com
What was he even drinking? Paint varnish?
We doubt it’s that large
Image: TinderCreeps.com
Guys, have you ever heard that women are just so impressed when we hear about penis size from the penis owner? We aren’t.
A new take on the onesie
Image: Tinder’s Finest Bachelors
That’s a really nice compliment, but I’m kinda using it right now.
Lovesick Chilean tortoises
Image: Straight White Boys Texting
And pineapples. This guy is a keeper.
Probably not
Image: Humor Sharing
Good Lord, does anyone really think that’s the good part of sex? Yeesh.
Sounds tempting
Image: Tinder Chats
That’s a great suggestion and all, Eric, but what’s in it for you?
A keen eye for detail
Image: TinderLines.com
The tiny image at the end of this shady message tells us that this is a man with an eye for detail.
Honesty isn’t the best policy
Image: TinderCreeps.com
It takes a special man to go out of his way to be an a-hole. Welcome to Tinder, a place that’s full of special men.
Who are these friends of yours, and why have they named your penis?
Image: Humor Sharing
He looks more like it should be named Princess Sophia. His friends have done him a gross disservice.
Can’t go wrong with the American flag
Image: TinderCreeps.com
For you? America.
Speaking of danger
Image: Tinder Chats
Got to love a man who knows how to finesse a conversation.
Woman. On. Top.
This one is just for fun, since clearly women can mess with guys, too. Right back at ya, fellas.
Image: Denis Bocquet/Flickr
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