Back before I got married, I was dating a guy I really, really liked. He was smart and funny and well educated, a perfect match on paper. We went on three dates and I was really falling hard for him. On our fourth date, he showed up at my house and exploded. Truly. I guess he’d had some bad Indian food, but the sounds I heard from the bathroom — and the smell that later emanated — pretty much ended any chance of us being intimate that night. Or ever, really.
Sad, but true. And it turns out I am not the only person who’s had an experience like this. A hilarious thread on Reddit explores all the things people’s crushes did that ruined their chances of getting any love or action in an instant.
Here are 8 of them:
1.) Cock Ring (Say What?!):
He asked me if I wanted to go running with him. When I said yes, he told me he was going to wear a cock ring during our run. That was WTF#1. Then, when I didn’t respond, he asked me, “can I taste your pussy, just from my fingers?” WTF#2. Finally, when I told him I wasn’t comfortable talking with him anymore, he sent an unsolicited dick pic. Goodbye forever.
2.) Used Cancer (not weird at all, right?!):
Lied to me and a bunch of other people about having cancer. She used it to get special treatment from a bunch of people, an example being that she got a friend of mine who’s a hair stylist to dye her hair pink for free because she said it was all going to fall out when she started chemotherapy the next week, except it never fell out, because she never went through chemotherapy.
3.) Family Guy Obsession:
Everytime I spoke she would repeat what I said in peter griffins voice (apparently I look like him) then laugh hysterically.
4.) Weird cubicle:
Found out last night that she apparently gets super clingy with her boyfriends. She posted a snapchat video of her cubicle at work and it was FILLED with drawings of her and her current bf, their initials surrounded in a heart, you name it. We’re 21.
More: You might be missing these signs that you’re a toxic partner
5.) Do you like anal?
I had been friends first with another guy, and really liked him. He was so different on our first date, asking if I enjoyed anal and if I was willing to raise my kids (that I did not have) Catholic. It was like a bucket of cold water on the hot flame of my crush.
6.) There’s “goth” and then there is…
Telling me he fantasized about having sex with a dead person. It was high school and he was “goth”, but he took it a little bit too far.
7.) She loved cats… too much:
Turns out the reason she was so quiet is that she was just insanely boring and self absorbed. She only had two interests — herself and her cats. Whenever the conversation changed to anything else she’d just be quiet until she could turn it back to herself or the damned cats. She turned out to be one of those people you should admire from afar.
More: No, I’m not afraid to be single in my 40s
8.) That thing that made you puke:
We we’re watching a movie together one night, I’m guessing she thought I was too indulged in the movie and not notice when she shoved her finger up her nose, than dangled some big ass booger in front of her face, followed by a sweep of the tongue. I couldn’t even keep my disgust hidden, as my face was completely flourished with a red tint after a gagging sequence.
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