Our guide to wedding invite etiquette

Before you even think about making your wedding invitation list, decide what your budget is and what size wedding you want to have. This will help you decide on the size of venues you need, which in turn helps shape your invite list. If you do that planning first, you’ll have a better idea of how many people you can invite before you start promising your mother all her bridge club friends can come to the wedding.

The economy can actually be a help to brides and grooms who don’t want a huge wedding. As you create your guest list, you can tell parents and guests who wonder if they’re invited that you’ve had to slim down your wedding plans in order to suit your budget. In this economy, every dollar counts for a large majority of brides. People are becoming much more conscious of the numbers. Citing the economy is also a great way for couples to convince parents that spending a fortune on a huge wedding isn’t a wise thing to do.

Inviting your parents and his parents is a no-brainer. So is inviting siblings, grandparents and favorite aunts, cousins and uncles. But there are always family members you never see, extended family you never got to know or estranged family that’s been off your radar for years. So who makes the cut? First and foremost, invite close relatives, and from there, choose from more distant relatives you have a close, personal relationship with. Most families will (hopefully) understand that wedding guest lists are built so relatives who are closest to the couple get invited.

You should know and have a connection with everyone you invite to your big day. You should invite people you want to share your life – not just the wedding moment – with. Invite people to your wedding who are part of your life now, and who will be part of your future rather than anyone you have ever exchanged a second glance with at the office.

The friends you invite should be the group of friends you see all the time. If you have friends that live out of town and you don’t see often, try to only invite one or two who you talk to and correspond with regularly. When it comes to colleagues, there a few ways to decide on who (if anyone) to invite. Start with only those you socialize with outside of work. If this has too much potential for causing disappointment, set logical parameters, such as only inviting people from your department.

If a parent is pushing for additional guests, you have to stick to your guns and explain that there is simply no room in the budget for adding more names. When it’s your future mother-in-law, it’s a bit trickier to stand your ground. As a couple, create a united front, and talk with her together about why she can’t invite a dozen of her friends to the wedding when your small guest list requires you to leave some of your own college friends off the list.