5 Bachelorette party don’ts

Before you step your stiletto heel outside of the limo, remember these bachelorette party don’ts — because even if you don’t get inked with a Mike Tyson-style tattoo, you can still end up red-faced the next morning.

We know: Not only will the party bus have a stripper pole, but da cluuuub might too, and even if you swear you’re not going to take a spin, after the third Dirty Girl Scout shot that a well-meaning bystander gifts you, you’ll more than likely end up wrapped around the thing… possibly upside down.

The key is not to avoid the stripper pole (hey, this is a bachelorette party after all), but instead ensure your ladyparts are covered when you show off your Mermaid Hold. Wear no-panty-line boyshorts or full-coverage underthings if you’re gonna give those veteran exotic dancers a run for their money; otherwise, if you’re wearing a thong and a short dress, keep your moves small and controlled.

In every bevy of beauties, there’s usually one gal who tends to foot the bill if no one else does — maybe she’s the most organized, has the highest-paying job or is just hands-down the nicest. In the interest of being a good friend and a decent person, when you’re headed out as a group, make sure she’s not stuck with the check. Bring plenty of cash, keep track of what you owe, and if everyone else has bought a round of drinks, you have to buy one too.

Yup, these things are expensive. Down a Buttery Nipple and try to forget about it.

Weddings tend to shine a bright light on interpersonal difficulties — sibling rivalries, best-friend rivalries, moody bridesmaids, stressed-out brides. Do the bride a favor and try to make sure everyone is getting along. If you sense that someone has mentally checked out of the festivities and/or is sulking in the corner, give her a small task to complete or ask her about something you know she’s passionate about (her new job, her kitchen renovation, the last concert she saw, etc.). If you can head off any meltdowns, every single woman at that party will thank you later.

Although you might think it’s hilare-ballz to cover your driver in Mardi Gras beads and make him take pics of your crew in various zany poses, the poor guy is just trying to do his job. If you’re dying to include your chauffeur in some way, buy him a burger when you do an In ‘N’ Out run at midnight — and tip him well. Whatever you do, don’t try to make out with him. Awk…ward.