The World Of AP

Leigh Morris Jarvis, a mom of three, confesses that she does attachment parenting on a part-time basis only — and it works for her family. How attached do you really have to be when practicing attachment parenting?
Mom and baby co-sleeping

Each of her children's tiny genitals have been wrapped in plastic. On a daily basis, their fragile, still-forming eardrums are exposed to noise in the 120-decibel range (namely her voice.) She was lying when she said the children learned those cuss words in public school. But is Leigh Morris Jarvis any less attached than other AP moms?

Contributed by Leigh Morris Jarvis

The quest for hippies

I had struggled to be one of those Good Enough Mothers to my first son. The job description turned out to be very different than the fantasy I had honed since childhood. By the time Greg was 2, I had eaten those same words you probably have (or will), “No child of mine will ever _______!” (Fill it in. I dare you.) At that point in time, my blanks were things like “wipe boogers on his wall in protest of bedtime,” “talk back (at least not in front of other adults),” and “Ninja-fight me while I hold him in the time-out chair.” When my discipline methods seemed to be failing and Greg was still filling all the blanks, I even took classes to learn how to be a more effective parent. Always a step ahead, the child showed an amazing aptitude to become a more effective kid.

Five years later, a second son was welcomed into our family and within days of his birth, expressed a repulsion of the Good Enough Mother theory. Apparently this child had come wired only for attachment parenting. Will refused to sleep in a cradle, sit in a stroller, drink from anything but a breast nor entertain himself with black and white or color mobiles designed specifically for his wee cognitive stimulation. He wanted adult companionship and nothing less than a steady stream of it would suffice. After a month of juggling my life while Velcro-ed to another human being, I brought our dilemma up for suggestions from the women in my playgroup. They stared blankly at me from behind their Carolina Herrera sunglasses and shrugged their Liz Claiborne-clad shoulders. Clucking sounds were exchanged. I remember the word Ferberize was uttered. The bush next to me burst into flames. Obviously, they could never understand… I needed women experienced in dealing with this sort of child. I needed answers that fell beyond the main stream of childrearing practices. I needed some hippies.

The world of AP

I did find just such a group. Women who still wore tie-dye and dreadlocks, women who concocted homemade herbal bug spray. These women would recite the mail order number for Birkenstocks from memory while changing a cloth diaper with one hand, nursing a 5-year-old in the other and opening a box of rice cakes with her teeth. Once they had chided me about my gold loafers and persuaded me to remove my aluminum-tainted deodorant, they allowed me into their fold.

Suddenly the world of attachment parenting opened before me. Here Dr. Sears was quoted with an embellished fervor usually reserved for Hamlet. Holistic living was appreciated and promoted, right down to something they called natural child spacing. I had to re-examine my entire lifestyle (plus hide a bunch of it) and create new priorities. It wasn’t easy because we lived a basically mainstream life and subsisted on wholly un-holistic foodstuff. But at least I now had the freedom to allow our children to sleep in our bed without fearing they would never leave it. I no longer struggled with the question of when to wean my breastfeeding toddler; it wasn’t even a question anymore. When the topic moved to my discomfort zones, like methods of homeschooling or organic gardening, I would quietly slip away, lying that my son wanted more sprouts for his untouched tofu dog and sneak over to the clan chatting about non-circumcision or chiropractic.

I was not only picking up new ways of parenting that showed potential in our existing lifestyle, I was the reigning queen of excuses for being spied in the Taco Bell drive-thru. But I was trying. One day I even got a wild hair and prepared macaroni and cheese from scratch. It took an hour and a half (and two frantic phone calls) but as my son eyed the results warily (“Mom, why isn’t it orange?”), I said, “Yes! I can do this!” Inevitably though, just when I thought I was fitting in, someone would go and sew her own diapers out of forest-foraged moss. Oy vey, the guilt was killing me.

Is this about love?

While I was wallowing in my transgressions and hustling to keep up with the AP way of life, a friend told me she had quit the stay-at-home mom/attachment parenting e-mail list. Someone told her how ashamed she should feel for wrapping her daughter’s genitals in plastic. Then another friend asked me point blank what not circumcising or vaccinating had to do with attachment parenting. She hadn’t read that part in Dr. Sears’ book and honestly, I didn’t have any idea what the two had to do with each other. I knew plenty of AP parents whose kids were vaccinated and circumcised. But the soybean that spoiled the curd was an e-mail in which a woman said mainstream parents didn’t love their children as much as attached parents did (supposedly that’s why they yelled at them) and that AP kids grew up to be better people. Then anger set in. I knew I had raised both of my sons with the same kind of love in their first five years… I had only parented them differently. Was this about my love for my children? Was I really being neglectful in resorting to a diaper with a “cloth-like” cover? Was I interested in finding parenting choices that worked for my family or was I struggling desperately to keep up with the Sears's? Did I even want to be like the Sears's?

So I am confessing…

I am only a part-time AP parent. Each of my children’s tiny genitals have been wrapped in plastic. On a daily basis, their fragile, still-forming eardrums are exposed to noise in the 120-decibel range (namely my voice.) I have threatened to bungee them to the top of the van if one more Hershey Kiss plucks me on the head. I was lying when I said the children learned those cuss words in public school. We don’t even own a time-out chair anymore; if I count beyond three I take away the Nintendo. If there is a woman who lives up to the archetypical mother — a patient, serene, diplomatic goddess with boundless energy and no life of her own, then I have probably been mistaken for Joan Crawford on occasion. (And I empathize with her when I find dirty underwear piled in the closet.) But am I any less attached?

I found quite a pedestal for attachment parenting. There are those who believe it’s the cure-all for discipline problems; that misbehavior can be averted if you explain the consequences in a gentle and reassuring voice, as if these were reasonable and mature people with whom we’re dealing. (I mean, that doesn’t even work with many adults!) There is the belief that if your children never leave your side, they will be more secure and less prone to playground antics like bullying and hitting, as if you could nurture the nature out of your child. I have three children and I have never found these to be true.

All this time I had assumed that I was either a derelict mother because I couldn’t stifle an occasional Joan Moment or that my children were grossly imbalanced and in need of medication. It didn’t matter that I had not circumcised, that we had a family bed or that my children received two pages worth of benefits of extended breastfeeding… still they took toys from babies’ hands and pouted when they had to share. Nor did it change the fact that though I chose to reason with them instead of spanking, that I strove for them to learn from consequences rather than punishment or that I eventually did homeschool... still my children spit, kicked or talked back. Still I lost control and yelled, so much so that I cried many nights over my horrible mothering skills.

Sensitivity and respect

One day I swallowed my pride and expressed this anxiety to some women I viewed as incredible mothers. I half expected a lecture and jeers but what I got was the sensitivity and respect that I thought I wanted from the AP community. I also got the satisfaction of finding that these women, like me, were only using the techniques that worked for them and precariously sidestepping the other issues. And Glory Hallelujah, here were other women (who I held in such high esteem) confessing to Joan Moments themselves! I was not alone in feeling inadequate and on the brink of failure with my children because of the aura of attachment parenting. Around this same time I started reading a book called The Motherline by Naomi Ruth Lowinsky. I gasped when I read this passage, “Our cultural ambivalence about blood is associated with our ambivalence about mothers. Blood embodies life’s potential and its suffering. So does being a mother.”

Being a mother is about suffering and about potential; our own and our children’s. It’s about coming to an understanding that we are the people who nurture these children. We take responsibility for outfitting them with the tools and knowledge they will use for the rest of their lives. We lead them to the path of the selves they are becoming. We show them their strengths and strengthen their weaknesses. Yet we are as human as our children are and so our best has to be good enough. Dr. Sears is not going to step in and raise our children if we feel we’re doing an inadequate job of it. (Mrs. Sears might but that’s another article.) This is undoubtedly the hardest task we’ll ever face and a pedestal is no place to start.

Accepting myself

So by the time our daughter Cara made her debut some three and half years after Will, I had learned to let go and just be with mothering. There were no miracles that occurred when I made that change. No one morphed into June Cleaver... or Beaver for that matter. Well, maybe there was one miracle; I accepted myself as a mother, as a mother who was “good enough“ after all. I no longer cry myself to sleep or struggle to keep up with what others may believe is perfect parenting or a worthy lifestyle. Life is far from Nirvana here but I have seen the signs that part-time AP works well. As often as they talk back, my sons bring me flowers and speak of their love for their dad and for me. They have eagerly coaxed down wayward revelers from the parapets of McDonald’s Playlands when a parent failed. They are gentle and protective with their sister, and after a day of wrestling brawls and catfights they hide under the covers and giggle secrets to each other… and wipe an occasional booger on the wall. A month ago I heard my oldest tell his grandmother, “Well, I know she loves me,” and that is good enough, for me.

More about attachment parenting

The co-sleeping, bed-sharing family
What's so extreme about Extreme Parenting?
Dispelling the myths of attachment parenting


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Saya masih baru lagi dalam bidang penulisan ni jadi mungkin ada sedikit kesilapan yang tidak dapat dielakkan. Zahra?? Jangan tinggalkan ayah Zahra?!” Jamil memberi anaknya minum air sambil dia teresak-esak menangis Setelah minum air tersebut barulah Zahra? pulih semula Jamil memeluk anaknya erat-erat seperti tidak mahu melepaskannya“Jangan tinggalkan ayah Zahra???Novel : 143 Tiada Penghujungnya 5 Oleh : Permata NilamBab 5 “Aduhhh…” Dia menatap luka di dahinya Bukan setakat luka tapi turut lebam Perlahan – lahan ditampalnya plaster pada luka tersebut Dia mengerang kecil menahan rasa sakit Seketika dia tercengat di depan cermin menatap dirinya “Berani dia cederakan muka sehandsome nie” tuturnya sendirian Dimatanya terbayang wajah pucat gadis itu Daniel tersenyum sendiri menampakkan lesung pipinya Dalam rasa marah ada juga rasa lucunya Buat pertama kali dia dipertemukan dengan gadis yang begitu cekal dan nekad Gadis yang mampu melindungi dirinya sendiri Paling nyata gadis itu langsung tidak tertarik dengan dirinya seperti gadis – gadis lain yang menyesakkannya Daniel menarik nafas panjang “Daniel jom makan” kedengaran suara perempuan memanggilnya Daniel melepaskan keluhan kecilnya Beberapa minit kemudian dia sudah berada di ruang makan Nenek Jah tersenyum menyambut kedatangan cucu tunggal kesayangannya itu “Kenapa dengan dahi Daniel tu” Pandangannya tepat pada dahi anak muda itu Daniel tersenyum lalu melabuhkan punggungnya berhadapan dengan perempuan tua itu Persoalan itu dibiarkan sahaja “Daniel bergaduh lagi ke”Dia hanya tersenyum“Daniel bergaduhkan” diulangi pertanyaan itu lagi“Tak ler nek Seorang kawan tak sengaja baling batu kat dahi Daniel petang tadi Agaknya dia tak suka tengok Daniel” ceritanya bernada gurauan“Lelaki ke perempuan kawan tu” Daniel berpandangan dengan Nek Jah Dia hanya senyum Susah baginya untuk berterus terang “Nek rasa mesti perempuan Masakan kawan lelaki nak baling – baling batu pula Lagipun orang lelaki tak pernah pun cederakan cucu nek nie” teka Nek Jah dengan andaian sendiri Daniel tertawa sendiri Sememangnya bicara neneknya itu betul“Daniel lapar ler nek jom makan” Nek Jah cukup faham dengan perangai cucu kesayangannya itu Bukan dia tidak pernah menegur perangai Daniel yang selalu bergaduh itu cuma Daniel yang degil tidak mahu mempedulikannya “Lain kali perkenalkan kat nenek kawan perempuan tu Mesti dia gadis yang baik” luah Nek Jah dengan mata yang bersinar – sinar Daniel tersedak Cepat – cepat dia meneguk air di gelas Dia mengurut – urut dadanya Permintaan Nek Jah itu terlalu tinggi “Baik ke dia Ganas semacam je” bisiknya “Gadis yang tak suka lebih – lebih kat Daniel tu ler yang baik berbanding dengan mereka yang tergila – gilakan Daniel” “Nek macam tahu – tahu pula apa yang Daniel fikir” luahnya berterus terang “Nek dah cukup kenal dengan Daniel Makan ler nasi tu” Daniel patuh sahaja tidak mahu dia cakap lebih – lebih risau Nek Jah akan fikir yang bukan – bukan Paling penting dia tidak mahu perempuan itu tahu bagaimana perkenalannya dengan gadis itu Nanti tidak pasal – pasal dia akan dimarah Daniel menatap bukunya Terus sahaja meletakkan kepalanya pada bantal empuk itu Tenang matanya menatap siling “Gadis yang tak suka lebih – lebih kat Daniel tu ler baik berbanding dengan mereka yang tergila – gilakan Daniel” suara neneknya terngiang – ngiang di telinganya Daniel tersenyum sendiri################ “Daniel apa hal dengan dahi kau tu” Farhan hairan menatap Daniel Sudah dijangkanya tampalan di dahinya ini pasti mengundang persoalan rakan – rakannya “Ada sedikit hal berlaku semalam” jelasnya Mereka beriringan melangkah ke kelas “Daniel tengok siapa di depan tu” Daniel melontar pandangan ke hadapan Gadis itu sedang melewati mereka Tampak tenang Langsung tidak menghiraukan keadaan di sekelilingnya Seakan ada dunia indahnya sendiri Daniel tersenyum sendiri Ada rasa cemburu dihatinya “Dangerous girl” luah Daniel Farhan tertawa Tidak sangka itu yang bakal di dengarnya dari mulut Daniel “Tak pernah aku jumpa perempuan sedegil dia” “Kau juga seperti dia Sekurang – kurangnya buku telah bertemu ruas” usik Farhan Dibiarkannya sahaja bicara rakannya itu berlalu Anak matanya masih menyoroti langkah gadis itu “Memang dia gadis yang berbisa” bisiknya sendirian Aku meletakkan beg di bahuku di kerusi Kutoleh kiri kanan mencari kelibat Fatin Umie mahupun Zatul Masing – masing belum kelihatan lagi Kulirik jam di tanganku Barangkali belum sampai lagi Kukeluarkan buku catatan menyemak bagi mempastikan segala tugasan telah diselesaikan “Morning …”suara Zatul memenuhi ruang kelas Aku melontar pandangan ke muka pintu Zatul Fatin dan Umie baru sahaja sampai “Awal kau hari nie Liya” sapa Umie seraya mengambil tempat duduklnya di hadapanku “Aku tak dapat tidur nyenyak semalam” luahku Mereka menatapku “Kenapa” suara Zatul sentiasa mendahului dari yang lain “Aku rasa hari nie macam ada malapetaka je” tuturku selamba Masing – masing terkejut mendengar bicaraku Aku tersengih Rasanya peristiwa semalam tidak akan dibiarkan begitu sahaja Daniel ada agenda terbaru untukku “Aku bergaduh dengan Daniel semalam Dahinya luka” ceritaku ringkas “Apa Dahi Daniel luka Kau buat apa dengan dia” berderet soalan keluar dari mulut Zatul Apa lagi bulat anak matanya menatapku Masing – masing tergamam mendengar cerita yang aku sampaikan Mungkin di luar jangkaan mereka aku dapat mencederakan pelajar terhebat dan termasyhur di sekolah ini Sebenarnya aku pun tidak menyangka akan bertindak sejauh itu Terasa segalanya berlaku sepantas kilat Semuanya tidak dirancang “Aku baling batu tepat – tepat kena dahi dia” sambungku bercerita disambut dengan keluhan mereka “Kau betul – betul mengundang malapetaka Liya Daniel tak mungkin akan lepaskan kau begitu saja” tutur Zatul melepaskan keluhan Aku diam Terasa aku telah masuk ke dala mulut harimau Masing – masing diam “Dia pun ada buat salah kat aku” bidasku membela diri Kalau Daniel tidak menyimbah mukaku dengan lumpur semua ini tidak akan terjadi Kalau dia tidak membocorkan rahsianya bahawa dialah gerangan si pemandu kereta sport merah itu pasti aku akan melupakan peristiwa itu Semua ini salah Daniel juga Dia yang sengaja minta dihukum “Apapun kau kena bersedia dengan sebarang kemungkinan Kalau boleh elakkan dari bertembung dengan dia Harap – harap Daniel takkan cari kau” luah Zatul berdoa Tidak sedap hati juga aku mendengar bicara Zatul itu“Kenapa ler budak tu muncul dalam hidupku” keluhku sendirian Walau apapun berlaku aku mesti hadapi Daniel dengan berani Dia juga manusia biasa seperti aku Jadi tidaklah menakutkan sangat untuk berhadapan dengannya Aku menarik nafas panjang Daniel nampaknya memang ditakdirkan kita bermusuhan Loceng berdering kuat Waktu persekolahan untuk hari ini sudah sampai penghujungnya Aku mengemaskan buku – bukuku ke dalam beg“Jangan lupa siapkan tugasan yang cikgu beri hari nie” suara Cikgu Ghazali guru Pengajian Am“Baik cikgu” sahut suara ramai“Berdiri semua”“Terima kasih cikgu” Cikgu Ghazali sudah melangkah ke pintu Disusuli oleh rakan – rakan sekelas yang lain Masing – masing bersaing mendahului meninggalkan kelas Aku seperti biasa akan membiarkan mereka pergi dahulu kemudian baru aku menyusuli“Liya kami akan melindungi kau”Aku menoleh Fatin Umie dan Zatul sudah terpacak di sisiku Aku tertawa terasa lucu sangat dengan gelagat mereka“Percayalah takde apa – apa akan berlaku nanti” tuturku yakin“Daniel tu selalu bertindak di luar jangkaan” tutur Zatul memperingatkan aku“Nie kawasan sekolah ler Dia tak akan berani apa – apakan aku Kamu balik ler” arahku“Betul ke nie” soal Umie meminta kepastian Aku mengangguk“Kalau kau terjumpa Daniel nanti terus lari tau” ujar Zatul memperingatkan aku Aku tertawa kecil“Aku serius nie Liya Jangan lupa lari tau” ulang Zatul lagi Aku hanya mengangguk“Balik ler” arahku lagi“Kami pergi dulu Liya Hati – hati” nasihat Fatin Aku senyum Kusoroti langkah mereka sehingga hilang dari pandangan mata Aku mencapai begku Kuatur langkah meninggalkan kelas yang masih dihuni oleh beberapa orang rakan yang nampak sibuk melangsaikan tugasan hari iniAku berjalan santai menuruni anak tangga blok yang menempatkan kelas – kelas pelajar Tingkatan Enam Beberapa blok bangunan sudah kulewati sebelum sampai ke garaj tempat letaknya basikal yang dikhaskan untuk kemudahan pelajar – pelajar yang berbasikal“Dania Deliya” Ada suara perempuan memanggilku Aku mematikan langkahku lalu menoleh ke belakang Seorang gadis yang tidak kukenali datang mendekatiku“Apa yang kau buat kat Daniel Kau ingat diri kau tu hebat sangat ke” suaranya tegang dan bernada keras Tanpa salam perkenalan dia terus sahaja menyerangku Aku menatapnya hairan“Aku nak bayar hutang kau kat Daniel Nah” Tiba – tiba sahaja dia menghayun tangannya kuat hampir – hampir menyentuh pipiku Mujur sempat aku menangkapnya Kugenggam kuat tangan itu“Awak tak malu ke pukul kaum sendiri hanya kerana seorang lelaki” tuturku tegas Dia menarik tangannya Kedengaran dengusan kuatnya“Lepaskan tanganku” pintanya“Daniel tak layak menerima sebarang pembelaan Kalau awak tak mahu dia disakiti lagi tolong beritahu dia jangan ganggu hidup aku lagi Hari nie aku lepaskan awak tetapi kalau kejadian seperti hari nie berulang lagi aku boleh buat awak rasa seperti yang Daniel alami sekarangku” tegasku mengancamnya dengan pandangan yang cukup tajam“Shit Perempuan jantan” kutuknya Kulepaskan tangannya Aku tersenyum sinis“Ingat pesanan aku tadi okey” Kutinggalkan gadis itu dengan senyuman sinis Biar dia bertambah sakit hati“Perempuan bodoh Konon nak bela lelaki yang tak guna tu” rungutku sendirian Aku mendengus Betapa marahnya aku Kenapa ada perempuan yang sanggup membelanya sedangkan memang layak Daniel diperlakukan sedemikian Daniel tidak layak untuk mendapat layanan yang baik Dia bukan baik sangat pun Panas hatiku berlanjutan sehinggalah aku sampai di halaman rumah Mulutku tidak berhenti – henti mengomel sendirian mengutuk Daniel dan gadis itu Sungguh aku tidak dapat menerima hakikat seorang gadis sanggup cuba memukul gadis lain semata – mata kerana seorang lelaki Tidak sedarkah bahawa dia telah menjatuhkan martabatnya sendiri maruah seorang gadis Memang tidak dapat diterima akal“Liya apa benda yang dirungutkan tu” Aku tersentak Pantas aku berpaling Abang Zekri hairan menatapku“Hey abang Zek buat terkejut Liya je Abang tak de kuliah ke hari nie” soalku semula“Hari nie cuma ada satu kelas toturial je pagi tadi” jelasnya Itulah istimewanya kalau dapat belajar di universiti Abang Zekri kata selain kuliah jadual yang lain boleh ditentukan ikut pilihan sendiri bersesuaian dengan waktu yang disenaraikan oleh pensyarah Kalau mahu ada masa lapang pada hari – hari tertentu kenalah bijak menyusun jadual waktu sendiri Pastikan sehari dua dalam seminggu padat dengan kuliah dan kelas toturial Hari selebihnya boleh digunakan untuk berehat mahupun melakukan aktiviti yang dirancang Sebab itulah ada segelintir mahasiswa dan mahasiswi sempat buat kerja ‘part time’ Kata abang Zekri lagi di universiti tidak sesusah yang dibayangkan Kalau rajin dan berdisiplin pasti berjaya menggenggam segulung ijazah Seronoknya kalau dapat belajar di universiti “Petang nie Liya free tak Abang nak pi memancing kat sungai depan sana Liya nak ikut tak” pelawanya Aku berfikir seketika mempertimbangkan pelawaan abang Zekri Seronok juga kalau pergi memancing Sekurang – kurangnya aku boleh bersantai dan mengisi masa lapang hari ini tetapi tugasan yang diberikan oleh cikgu Ghazali harus juga diselesaikan“Liya nak pegi tapi abang Zek janji akan tolong Liya siapkan tugasan P A Liya” pintaku tanpa segan silu“Ohh… takde masalah” putus abang Zekri bersetuju Aku apa lagi tersenyum meleretlah Bukan perkara baru aku melibatkan abang Zekri dengan kerja – kerja sekolahku Dia guru dan sumber rujukanku Malah idolaku untuk mendorongku terus belajar Hubungan kami memang rapat bagai adik – beradik Bahkan ayah kata Mak Munah ibu abang Zekri ibarat ibuku sendiri Ayah memang banyak terhutang budi kepada Mak Munah kerana turut menjagaku semasa kecil khasnya ketika ayah bekerja Ibu terlalu awal meninggalkan aku dan ayah Tika ayah terkial – kial mengambil alih tugas seorang ibu tika itulah Mak Munah menawarkan dirinya untuk menolong ayah menjagaku Sebab itulah Mak Munah dan Pak Lah prihatin dan sayangkan aku seperti dia sayangkan abang Zekri Begitu juga dengan ayah abang Zekri sudah dianggap seperti anak sendiri Jadi bolehlah dikatakan aku ayah abang Zekri Mak Munah dan Pak Lah adalah sekeluargaSeumur hidup ini juga abang Zekri tidak pernah menyakitkan hatiku malah jelas sekali dia sentiasa melindungiku Aku tidak akan melupakan jasa keluarga itu kepadaku dengan ayah“Jangan lupa petang lepas Asar nanti kita pegi”“Okey” Aku dengan senang hati menyetujui sahaja rancangan abang Zekri Pasti tiada halangan untuk aku pergi bersama abang Zekri Seperti jangkaanku ayah langsung tidak membantah ketika aku mendapatkan keizinan daripadanya Ayah percaya abang Zekri boleh menjaga dan melindungikuTepat pada masa yang dijanjikan aku dan abang Zekri bergerak ke destinasi yang dituju Sepanjang perjalanan kami bersaing ingin mendahului perlumbaan Aku mengayuh basikalku sepantasnya Tidak mahu kalah dengan abang Zekri Aku tidak mahu abang Zekri menewaskan aku dengan mudah Sekurang – kurangnya aku mahu jadi pencabar hebatnya“Daniel tengok tu tu kan Dania” Boney menunding jari kepada gadis dan seorang pemuda yang tampak riang mengayuh basikal Gadis dan pemuda itu baru sahaja melewati mereka sedang melepak di warung itu“Rupa – rupanya dia dah ada pak we Boleh tahan juga pak we dia” puji Farhan Daniel tersenyum sendiri Dia masih menatap gadis dan pemuda itu yang kian hilang dari pandangan matanya“Aku boleh rampas dia daripada pemuda itu” tuturnya penuh keyakinan Farhan dan Boney tertawa“Daniel kau dengan dia tak pernah pun berbaik Rasanya tak semudah itu dia akan tertarik dengan kau” balas Farhan Daniel tertawa“Kau cabar aku Okey … mari kita bertaruh Aku jamin sebelum kita tinggalkan alam persekolahan nie dia akan bersama denganku bukan sebagai sahabat tetapi sebagai kekasih Pasti dia akan jatuh hati denganku Kamu tengoklah nanti” tutur Daniel penuh yakin“Okey … siapa yang menang dalam pertaruhan nie akan dapat apa sahaja yang diminta Setuju” tanya Farhan Daniel mengangguk Begitu juga dengan Boney Tangan ketiga – tiga pemuda itu bersatu tanda perjanjian termeterai Daniel tersenyum Ada misi yang perlu dilaksanakannya sekarang” Sedikit meninggi suara Hanani.“Dah seminggu kita exam.Tolonglah lepaskan aku.Aku terpena saat itu. Akhirnya aku terpaksa menerima hakikat bahawa rantai tangan itu telah hilang. Ayah telah memberinya semasa kali terakhir sebelum dia menghembuskan nafas terakhir.adalah kerana tanpa sedar sering juga terpaut hati kepada lelaki baik itu dan lelaki baik ini dengan harap mereka menjadi suami saya. kamu ada menaruh hati kepada dia. Riak wajahnya biasa sahaja. Bukan dia selalu bersama awak?“Luth. Kala itu dia betul-betul buntu. kita bertemu tanpa perasaan cinta, dia pasrah dengan ketentuan ilahi, Allah melarang kepada hambanya membuat pengakuan atas diri sendiri dengan kebaikan kerana dalam perkara baik atau jahatnya si hamba adalah masih sulit untuk ditentukan.“Ya. El bahgia sekali.
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STORY WRITTEN FOR & USED WITH PERMISSIONPosted: April 17, 2010The Discovery astronauts bid their station counterparts farewell early Saturday,sharing a final round of hugs and handshakes before moving back aboard the shuttleand undocking from the lab complex. Separation occurred at 8:52 a.m. EDT as the twospacecraft sailed 220 miles above Papua, New Guinea.Credit: NASA"Houston and station, Discovery, physical separation," shuttle commander AlanPoindexter radioed as the docking systems disengaged."Discovery, departing," Expedition 23 flight engineer Soichi Noguchi called out,ringing the ship's bell in the lab's Harmony module."Dex you and your crew were excellent guests, we loved having you here, you helpedus leave the station in a better place than when you got here," flight engineerTimothy Creamer radioed a moment later. "We'll miss you. Come back soon.""Thanks, T.J., we enjoyed every minute of it," Poindexter replied. "Thanks for thegreat hospitality. We'll talk to you soon."With shuttle pilot James Dutton at the controls on Discovery's aft flight deck,Discovery pulled straight away in front of the station before beginning a 360-degreephoto-documentation fly around. Once back at the starting point in front of theoutpost, Dutton will fire Discovery's maneuvering rockets and depart the area."The pilot's big moment of glory is getting to do the fly around of the spacestation," Dutton said in a NASA interview. "So we'll undock, back away around 400 to450 feet in front of the space station and then begin to fly a maneuver over the topin front of the space station, essentially complete a 360-degree arc around thespace station. Then we'll continue to maneuver to essentially break out of our orbitwith the station, so we'll get a real panoramic view. As big as the station is now,I can't really imagine how breathtaking that will be, getting to see it from everyperspective."But the public will have to wait until Discovery lands to fully share thatperspective. While occasional still photos from the shuttle are possible using theshuttle's S-band communications system, the failure of the orbiter's Ku-band antennaearlier in the mission will prevent routine live television from the shuttle for theremainder of its mission.The combined 13-member shuttle-station crew gathered in the forward Harmony moduleearlier Saturday for a brief farewell ceremony."This is time when we have to say goodbye to our friends and colleagues," saidExpedition 23 commander Oleg Kotov, one of three Russians on the station crew. "Itwas an excellent crew, shuttle Discovery flight 19A did excellent job, we enjoyedworking with them and it's really, really sad to let them go, but it's time. Let mesay again, thank you very much, we're really grateful for your help and your job youdid for us. Thanks a lot."Poindexter thanked the station crew for help with "a very successful docked missionand that is in large part due to the preparation that you did ahead of time.""You treated us with just the utmost hospitality and we felt welcome the wholetime," he said. "We hope we didn't tear up your house too much. We tried to do agood job of cleaning when we left. It was a great docked mission, very successful,we had three just outstanding EVAs and a lot of great robotics. The transfer teamwas just fantastic."Again, I want to thank you and your crew for all the help you gave us withtransfer," Poindexter said. "It was just great. We're sorry to go. I know we'd alllike to stay much longer, but we have to let you guys get back to your normalroutine and get ready for (the next shuttle visit). So with that, we want to saythanks again and we hope to see you soon back home. Take care."The two crews then exchanged embraces and handshakes and the shuttle crew floatedback aboard the orbiter for the last time. Hatches were closed around 6:30 a.m. toset the stage for undocking.Poindexter and his crewmates face a relatively light schedule for the rest of theday. A final heat shield inspection, normally carried out just after undocking, wasperformed Friday so the crew could use the station's Ku-band communications systemto downlink the laser scans and video.On Sunday, Poindexter, Dutton and flight engineer Dottie Metcalf-Lindenburger willtest Discovery's re-entry systems while their crewmates pack up and rig the ship forentry.Landing back at the Kennedy Space Center is targeted for 8:51 a.m. Monday, but theweather could cause problems. The Spaceflight Meteorology Group at the Johnson SpaceCenter in Houston is predicting showers within 30 miles of the Kennedy Space Centerat landing time Monday with a slight chance of showers Tuesday. The forecast forEdwards Air Force Base, Calif., calls for good weather Monday and Tuesday.Weather permitting, Discovery's re-entry trajectory will carry the orbiter above theheartland of America during its descent to the Kennedy Space Center, possibly thelast time viewers in the continental United States will have a chance to witness thefiery streak of a shuttle entry. Detailed ground track charts and timelines areposted on the CBS News STS-131 Quick-Look page.Here is a timeline of the remainder of today's activity (in EDT and mission elapsedtime; includes revision M of the NASA television schedule; best viewed withfixed-width font):EDT........DD...HH...MM...SS...EVENT08:37 AM...12...02...15...37...Sunset08:52 AM...12...02...31...00...UNDOCKING08:52 AM...12...02...31...05...Maintain corridor 08:53 AM...12...02...32...00...Initial separation08:54 AM...12...02...32...40...ISS holds current attitude08:57 AM...12...02...36...00...50 ft08:59 AM...12...02...38...00...75 ft09:12 AM...12...02...50...51...Sunrise09:20 AM...12...02...58...35...ISS Ku band un-park09:21 AM...12...03...00...00...400 ft; start flyaround09:30 AM...12...03...09...30...600 feet09:32 AM...12...03...11...30...Shuttle directly above ISS09:40 AM...12...03...18...58...Noon09:44 AM...12...03...23...00...Shuttle directly behind ISS09:55 AM...12...03...34...30...Shuttle directly below ISS10:07 AM...12...03...46...00...Shuttle directly ahead of ISS10:07 AM...12...03...46...00...Separation burn 1 (1.5 fps radial burn)10:08 AM...12...03...47...05...Sunset10:35 AM...12...04...14...00...Separation burn 2 (3.0 fps retrograde burn)10:36 AM...12...04...15...00...Group B computer powerdown10:40 AM...12...04...18...35...US solar arrays unlocked11:30 AM...12...05...09...00...Mission status briefing on NTV11:56 AM...12...05...35...00...EVA unpack and stow12:41 PM...12...06...20...00...OBSS stow01:56 PM...12...07...35...00...Ku antenna stow02:00 PM...12...07...39...00...Post-MMT briefing on NTV03:21 PM...12...09...00...00...ISS crew sleep begins04:21 PM...12...10...00...00...STS crew sleep begins05:00 PM...12...10...39...00...Daily highlights reel on NTVAdditional coverage for subscribers:VIDEO:FLIGHT DAY 12 HIGHLIGHTS MOVIE VIDEO:FRIDAY MORNING'S MISSION STATUS BRIEFING VIDEO:LEONARDO PLACED INTO SHUTTLE BAY FOR LANDING VIDEO:THURSDAY EVENING'S FLIGHT DIRECTOR INTERVIEW 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VIDEO:STOWAGE RACKS MOVED INTO STATION VIDEO:NEW LABORATORY FREEZER FOR KIBO VIDEO:FRIDAY MORNING'S MISSION STATUS BRIEFING VIDEO:RATE GYRO ASSEMBLY REMOVED FROM STATION VIDEO:NEW AMMONIA TANK STOWED IN TEMPORARY SPOT VIDEO:ANCHORING FIXTURE ATTACHED TO AMMONIA TANK VIDEO:EXPERIMENT RETRIEVED FROM JAPAN'S SCIENCE DECK VIDEO:STATION'S ROBOTIC ARM LIFTS TANK FROM SHUTTLE VIDEO:NEW AMMONIA COOLANT TANK UNBOLTED FROM CARRIER VIDEO:SPACEWALKER PREPS AMMONIA TANK IN SHUTTLE BAY VIDEO:THE START OF MISSION'S FIRST SPACEWALK VIDEO:STEP-BY-STEP WALKTHROUGH OF EVA NO. 1 VIDEO:PREVIEW OF FLIGHT DAY 5 ACTIVITIES VIDEO:THURSDAY EVENING'S FLIGHT DIRECTOR INTERVIEW VIDEO:THURSDAY AFTERNOON'S MANAGEMENT TEAM UPDATE VIDEO:FLIGHT DAY 4 HIGHLIGHTS MOVIE VIDEO:RADIO AND TV INTERVIEWS WITH CREW VIDEO:THURSDAY MORNING'S MISSION STATUS BRIEFING VIDEO:LEONARDO MODULE ATTACHED TO SPACE STATION VIDEO:STATION'S ARM GRAPPLES THE LEONARDO MODULE VIDEO:NARRATED PREVIEW OF LEONARDO'S INSTALLATION VIDEO:WEDNESDAY 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Anonymous October 12, 2014
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Posted: January 30, 2007A commercial Sea Launch Zenit 3SL rocket disintegrated in a fiery catastrophe aboard its oceangoing platform Tuesday, destroying a sophisticated telecommunications satellite payload in a dramatic launch pad explosion reminiscent of the space program's early days. The Zenit 3SL rocket is destroyed in a massive explosion atop the Odyssey launch platform, as seen in video webcast live by Sea Launch. Credit: Sea Launch videoThe Ukrainian/Russian booster was igniting its main engine when the 20-story vehicle inexplicably fell, triggering a hellish fireball that engulfed the floating Odyssey platform.The live video transmission from the equatorial launch site in the Pacific Ocean was abruptly cut seconds after the first signs of trouble. Condition of the Odyssey, a converted Norwegian oil-drilling platform, was not known as of late Tuesday.A brief Sea Launch statement said that "all personnel are safe and accounted for." The platform was cleared of all workers before the rocket was fueled, with the launch team stationed aboard a command ship three miles away.There was no immediate indication from Sea Launch of what could have caused such a devastating malfunction."The Sea Launch Zenit 3SL vehicle, carrying the NSS 8 satellite, experienced an anomaly today during launch operations. Sea Launch will establish a Failure Review Oversight Board to determine the root cause of this anomaly," the official statement said.Delayed a few days by unfavorable sea conditions in the launch area and again Monday by what the company described as a "minor technical issue," Tuesday's countdown proceeded toward an on-target liftoff at 2322 GMT (6:22 p.m. EST).In the final five seconds, the launch team announcer was heard calling out "main engine start command" and then "go inertial" as typically expected. But as the smoke and steam billowed from the Russian RD-171 engine firing to life, the rocket didn't begin its normal quick rise skyward. Instead the three-stage rocket fell out of the camera view as the entire platform was enveloped in the explosion. Whether the rocket tipped over, fell downward from the platform or collapsed was inconclusive from the video seen live.Sea Launch immediately switched its broadcast to a company graphic and then signed off.A Zenit 3SL is held in place on the launch table by holddown clamps at the base of the first stage. The clamps are not supposed to release until computers verify that the engine is running with good thrust. The powerplant has four chambers, four bell-shaped nozzles and a single turbopump. It is designed to generate 1.6 million pounds of thrust.Tuesday's flight would have been the 24th for Sea Launch since debuting in 1999. It was the second total failure for the Zenit 3SL vehicle configuration. 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Getting closer to TitanIrregular bright and dark regions of yet unidentified composition and character are becoming increasingly visible on Titan's surface as Cassini approaches its scheduled first flyby of Saturn's largest moon on July 2, 2004. [Posted: June 25]Phoebe likely born in outer solar systemNASA unveiled a spectacular high-resolution mosaic of Saturn's enigmatic moon Phoebe today, along with other data from the Saturn-bound Cassini probe showing the moon formed in the extreme outer solar system and later was captured by the ringed planet's gravity. [Posted: June 23]Additional coverage for subscribers:VIDEO:WATCH THE PHOEBE FLYBY SCIENCE RESULTS BRIEFING VIDEO:ANIMATION SHOWS CASSINI'S ENCOUNTER WITH PHOEBE Cassini opens a cosmic time capsule with Phoebe flybyLike a woolly mammoth trapped in Arctic ice, Saturn's small moon Phoebe may be a frozen artifact of a bygone era, some four billion years ago. The finding is suggested by new data from the Cassini spacecraft. [Posted: June 23]New view of Saturn's rings and moons from CassiniSaturn's magnificent rings show some of their intricate structure in this image taken by the Cassini spacecraft's narrow angle camera. Although they appear to be solid structures, the rings are composed of billions of individual particles, each one orbiting the planet on its own path. [Posted: June 21]Saturn in infraredSaturn's bright equatorial band displays an exquisite swirl near the planet's eastern limb. This image was taken with the Cassini spacecraft's narrow angle camera from a distance of 14.5 million miles from Saturn. [Posted: June 18]Cassini maneuver sets stage for Saturn arrivalThe Saturn-bound Cassini spacecraft's main engine fired for 38 seconds Wednesday, slowing the vehicle by about 8 mph and putting it on course for Saturn orbit insertion the night of June 30, project officials said. [Posted: June 17]Saturn's swirl imagedOn its approach to Saturn orbit insertion, the narrow angle camera on the Cassini spacecraft snapped this image of a turbulent swirl in the high clouds of Saturn's atmosphere. The disturbance occurs in the southern edge of the equatorial band. [Posted: June 15]Phoebe's surface gives scientists clues to its originImages collected during Cassini's close flyby of Saturn's moon, Phoebe, have yielded strong evidence that the tiny object may contain ice-rich material, overlain with a thin layer of darker material perhaps 300 to 500 meters (980 to 1,600 feet) thick. [Posted: June 14]Saturn's moon Phoebe revealed in stunning detailExtraordinary new images taken by the Cassini spacecraft during its close encounter with Saturn's mysterious moon Phoebe were released by scientists Sunday. The must-see pictures show in great detail the cratered surface of the tiny moon. [Posted: June 13]Close-up views of Phoebe shows moon's battered pastFirst images from the Cassini flyby of Phoebe reveal it to be a scarred, cratered outpost with a very old surface and a mysterious past, and a great deal of variation in surface brightness across its surface. [Posted: June 12]Cassini makes close observations of PhoebeWith its flyby of Phoebe on Friday, the Cassini spacecraft has completed the first encounter in its four-year tour of the Saturn system. "One down, 52 to go," the mission's chief navigator said Saturday from NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory. [Posted: June 12]Countdown to PhoebeAs Cassini sails toward its rendezvous with Phoebe, details on the small, dark moon are coming into view at a dizzying pace. Images taken Thursday, just one day prior to closest approach, provide a dramatic increase in sharpness and information. [Posted: June 11]Saturn's storm alleyThis image from the Cassini spacecraft shows several dark storms confined to a region below 30 degrees south latitude in Saturn's atmosphere. This turbulent region has produced quite a few storms during Cassini's approach to Saturn, including some that have merged. [Posted: June 11]Cassini to examine Saturn's mysterious 'black' moonThe science team is eager to study the data and images returned this week when the Cassini spacecraft makes the closest-ever flyby of Saturn's moon Phoebe. The information obtained from Friday's encounter will help scientists determine the icy moon's surface composition and properties. [Posted: June 9]Cassini getting ever closer to colorful SaturnAs Cassini coasts into the final month of its nearly seven-year trek, the serene majesty of its destination looms ahead. 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[Posted: May 17]Latest Cassini image shows bands of clouds and laceAs Cassini nears its rendezvous with Saturn, new detail in the banded clouds of the planet's atmosphere are becoming visible. Cassini began the journey to the ringed world of Saturn nearly seven years ago and is now less than two months away from orbit insertion on June 30. [Posted: May 14]Cassini spies on TitanThe veils of Saturn's most mysterious moon have begun to lift in Cassini's eagerly awaited first glimpse of the surface of Titan, a world where scientists believe organic matter rains from hazy skies and seas of liquid hydrocarbons dot a frigid surface. [Posted: May 6]Cassini snaps its final full view of Saturn and ringsSaturn and its rings completely fill the field of view of Cassini's narrow angle camera in this natural color image. It is the last single "eyeful" of Saturn and its rings achievable with the camera on approach to the planet. 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