My wife and I had a beautiful daughter almost eight months ago. After the six-week healing period, we started having sex again, unfortunately not very often. She says that she has no sex drive anymore. I am 24 years old, and at the peak of my sex drive. Some days I can't help but want to have sex. I don't want to have to bother her about sex anymore, and I don't want to end up separated over sex. Is it normal for women to lose their sex drive after birth? What can I do to make her sex drive higher?
Armin Brott answers:
Most OBs advise new moms to refrain from having sex for at least six weeks and it's not at all uncommon for couples to take six months or longer before getting back to their pre-baby and pre-pregnancy sex life (I'm deliberately staying away from the word "normal" since everyone's definition is different).
If your wife is nursing, she's also producing hormones that may mildly suppress her desire. Nursing mothers also tend to produce less vaginal lubrication, which can make intercourse painful. Overall, though, the biggest culprits are fatigue and time. Again, if she's nursing, she may be less than enthusiastic about having someone else (in addition to the baby) making a move toward her breasts.
As for what to do to increase her sex drive, there are a number of possibilities:
- Make sure she gets plenty of sleep. That may mean that you get up and handle some of the middle-of-the night feedings. The downside to that is that youmight end up too exhausted to have sex.
- Help her get eat right and get some exercise - (no, not sex)
- Give her some down time. She loves you and loves your baby but would probably give anything to get a few minutes alone or.
- Flirt with her. Tell her how great she looks, let her catch you peeking down her shirt, make a few sexy phone calls during the day.
- Go out on a date. While you're out, make a serious effort to go at least 15 minutes at a stretch without talking about the baby. It's harder than it sounds.
- Invest in some lubricant.
- Be there. The greatest aphrodisiac for new mothers is feeling tended to and cared for by their husbands and seeing that their baby is being cared for and tended to as well. From your wife's point of view, loving your child is an expression of your love for her. The more you actively engage with your baby, the more she'll want to make you happy. And you know where that can lead.