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While our parents and grandparents may have simplified their parenting approach as either a “strict” or “lenient” philosophy, the breadth of parenting styles recognized today goes far beyond the two. In fact, most parents don’t just follow one of the many styles commonly practiced today, but an amalgamation of a few.
Because every family is different, and every child within a family is different, most parents mix and match parenting styles according to what works best for their circumstances and the personalities at play. Though some fervently insist there is a “right” parenting style and you should only be raising your child within the confines of that one philosophy, parenting styles are more like a buffet: take what you like and leave what you don’t. Additionally, if you try a style and it doesn’t work for you, you don’t have to add it to your “plate” again — and you can try a new style any time you like.
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Dr. Amber Thornton, clinical psychologist and author of A Parent’s Guide to Self-Regulation, believes a mix-and-match approach to parenting styles is more helpful than adhering to just one method. “Utilizing a mix of various parenting styles can be extremely effective and supportive for many parents,” she began. “The rationale behind practicing a variety of styles is that it’s possible for parents to align with or agree with multiple approaches. For some parents, they may find that some of their strengths align with one parenting style, while they still have an interest in learning about another approach.”
Dr. Thornton continued, “Similarly, some parents may find that blending the strengths and skills from two or three approaches best supports the manner in which they need or hope to guide their children. Lastly, many parenting styles overlap and there are some similarities between them that make it natural to … practice or utilize more than one approach.”
It wasn’t until the late 1960s that the first types of parenting styles were named and defined. Dr. Diana Baumrind, a renowned psychologist, pioneered research into parenting styles and defined three clear philosophies at the time: authoritarian, authoritative, and permissive parenting. In the decades since Dr. Baumrind’s groundbreaking research, many other parenting styles have been born — and we’re breaking down the most common philosophies followed by parents today with the help of a few experts.
Attachment Parenting
In attachment parenting, the goal is for the parent and child to form a strong emotional bond. Parents who adopt this style strive to respond to their child’s needs immediately, lead with sensitivity, and be emotionally available for their child at all times.
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Dr. Thornton explained that the method “emphasizes responding promptly to a baby’s cries, believing them to be a form of communication rather than manipulation.” She added, “This approach focuses heavily on physical contact as a means of connection. Therefore, parental responsiveness extends to carrying them often in slings or carriers and practicing co-sleeping or breastfeeding throughout the night.”
The belief is that strong attachment to the parent helps the child become a more secure, empathic, peaceful human being. In addition to baby-wearing, breastfeeding, and co-sleeping, practices that fall within attachment parenting include natural childbirth, positive discipline, and homeschooling.
Attachment parenting is one of the more heavily criticized parenting styles, with many “expressing concern that it may ‘spoil’ children or hinder their ability to learn to self-soothe,” according to the clinical psychologist. On the flip side, Dr. Thornton explained, “Proponents of attachment parenting believe these practices meet a baby’s fundamental needs for security and comfort, fostering a secure attachment that lays the groundwork for better emotional regulation, strong social development, and healthy self-esteem in children.”
Authoritarian Parenting
One of Dr. Baumrind’s original parenting styles is authoritarian parenting. Authoritarian parents value obedience to a higher authority and are known to be less nurturing than parents who follow other styles. Amanda Vierheller, co-founder and COO of Playgarden Prep, described the style as “a parent-driven method where parents set strict rules and use primarily one-way communication.” She added, “Children’s social-emotional needs are not the focus and there is no collaboration. Punishment is used rather than discipline, and children’s self-esteem often suffers.”
Using strict rules and harsh discipline, authoritarian parents seek to bend their kids’ will to their wishes. Dr. Thornton explained, “These rules and expectations are enforced with minimal room for negotiation or flexibility. Many parents find that helpful in minimizing externalizing behavioral concerns.”
While it may be more comfortable for parents, Dr. Thornton shared the many negative effects of the authoritarian approach on the children themselves, including “low self-esteem; difficulty making decisions; lack of confidence in their own decision-making abilities; rebellion or its opposite, over-compliance; and reduced communication skills.” She added, “Many of these children later go on to report experiences of anxiety, depression, lowered frustration tolerance, and a general increased occurrence of emotional distress.”
Authoritative Parenting
Authoritative parenting, another of Dr. Baumrind’s styles, is similar to authoritarian parenting — but there are notable differences. Dr. Baumrind characterized authoritative parenting by “high demands” and “high responsiveness.” This means parents set high expectations for their children, but they provide support for their kids to succeed, which in turn fosters a sense of security and confidence in the children.
“Authoritative parenting is a parenting approach that focuses on nurturing a strong and respectful parent-child relationship,” Dr. Thornton explained. “This approach heavily promotes the child’s development, self-esteem, and general well-being. Authoritative parenting involves setting clear and age-appropriate expectations and boundaries for behavior. This helps children to know what is expected and what is acceptable,” she shared.
Dr. Thornton emphasized the importance of open and honest communication in this method, which “helps parents to actively listen, validate feelings, and provide nonjudgmental guidance.” Additionally, “Authoritative parenting aims to teach children problem-solving skills and help them understand the consequences of their actions. Conflicts are frequently resolved through discussions and collaborative solutions,” she explained.
Parents who follow this philosophy typically establish rules and guidelines and expect their children to follow them. But unlike authoritarian parenting, the methodology is more democratic than a “my-way-or-the-highway” outlook. For children who fail to meet the authoritative parent’s expectations, the parent responds in a more nurturing, forgiving, and responsive manner than that of an authoritarian parent. For authoritative parents, the approach to discipline is assertive but not restrictive, seeking to provide support rather than punish.
Free-range Parenting
Free-range parenting launched to popularity after Lenore Skenazy famously allowed her 9-year-old son to navigate his way home on the New York City subway system by himself in 2008. The idea behind the hands-off parenting style is to foster independence within children by allowing them to have more autonomy and less supervision while still enforcing general rules and expectations.
“Free-range parenting prioritizes fostering independence and self-reliance in children by granting them increased freedom with limited supervision,” Dr. Thornton explained. “This translates to activities like letting older children walk to school alone, play freely in safe environments, or navigate age-appropriate errands without hovering parents. Free-range parents instill clear boundaries and open communication, with trust and responsibility growing alongside the child’s maturity,” she shared.
While free-range parenting helps children develop independence and problem-solving skills, boosts self-confidence, and encourages exploration and creativity, safety concerns are a major criticism of the style. “Opponents worry about children encountering dangers or being unable to handle unexpected situations,” Dr. Thornton explained. She added, “Busy streets or areas with high crime rates might require more parental involvement.” In addition to common sense judgment calls, parents must be aware of their state’s laws to ensure their child is legally permitted to be unsupervised based on their age.
Gentle Parenting
Gentle parenting is perhaps the most talked-about parenting style at the moment. Vierheller explained, “Gentle parenting is a nurturing style of raising children that allows parents to partner with their little ones to promote growth and development. This parenting style encourages open communication and reflection to lead children in making positive choices independently. Parents connect with their child to develop empathy and grow social-emotional skills together,” she shared.
Compassion, trust, and respect are leading characteristics of gentle parenting, as the ultimate goal is fostering a strong parent-child bond built on a foundation of emotional security. Parents do not act as authority figures but as collaborators who empathize with their children and model healthy behaviors to show their kids how they should interact with others. Dr. Thornton explained, “Heavy emphasis is placed on helping children develop emotional intelligence within the gentle-parenting approach. This involves recognizing and managing emotions effectively.”
While gentle parenting leads to fantastic results in children, it’s one of the most emotionally draining philosophies for parents to follow. “Critics note that gentle parenting is time-consuming, doesn’t immediately produce behavioral change, and can be demanding for parents and interfere with their own well-being,” Dr. Thornton shared. She added, “Critics often believe that too much understanding and empathy might interfere with a child’s preparedness for ‘the real world,’ which may be more harsh or challenging.”
Helicopter Parenting
Child development researchers Foster Cline and Jim Fay coined the term “helicopter parenting” in their 1990 book Parenting With Love and Logic to describe parents who hover over their children like a helicopter hovers over the ground. While it comes from a place of love and protectiveness, helicopter parents constantly interfere with their children’s lives so they don’t have to experience struggle or discomfort.
“Helicopter parenting describes overprotective and highly involved parenting practices,” Dr. Thornton explained. She added, “Helicopter parents tend to closely monitor and intervene in their children’s lives, often to an extreme degree.” This includes but is not limited to parents keeping a close eye on their kids’ activities, academic progress, social endeavors, and whereabouts.
The philosophy sees parents solving their kids’ issues before the children can apply their problem-solving skills or experience failure, which can backfire later in life. While helicopter parenting is fairly normal to ensure the safety and security of babies and very young children, too much of this parenting style can result in grown children who are overly dependent on their parents.
“This approach may lead some children to experience their parents as excessive or burdensome, and it can hinder or delay child development of autonomy, resilience, and problem-solving skills,” Dr. Thornton explained. She added, “Helicopter parenting often contributes to experiences of childhood anxiety and stress, as children learn to have every aspect of their lives managed by parents.” This can have significant effects once children enter adulthood, as they have little experience navigating hardships or even routine tasks independently.
Instinctive Parenting
Instinctive parenting is a method in which parents follow their intuition or gut feeling when raising their children. Dr. Thornton explained, “It prioritizes a responsive and nurturing approach, focusing on the unique cues and needs of one’s individual child rather than following rigid schedules or external advice. This might involve responding promptly to cries, breastfeeding on demand, or prioritizing physical closeness based on your child’s temperament.” She added, “Proponents believe this fosters a strong parent-child bond and allows parents to tap into their natural ability to nurture.”
Dr. Thornton shared that this style not only fosters a stronger bond with the child but also empowers parents to trust their instincts, which reduces decision fatigue. While the parenting style is healthy overall, the clinical psychologist shared, “Some parents may need more structure and predictability to be implemented into their parenting approach for best results.” Additionally, “Complex behaviors or developmental delays may require additional guidance.”
In the same vein as being tailored to the individual child, the philosophy is also personal to each parent, as it may be heavily influenced by the way the parent was raised by their parents. Instinctive parents are more likely to teach what’s familiar to them and parent the way they were brought up.
Permissive Parenting
If at any point the word “lenient” comes back into play, it’s for this type of parenting. The permissive parenting style is often evidenced by individuals who try to be more of a friend than a parent to their children.
“Permissive parenting is a child-driven approach in which parents rarely set or enforce rules,” Vierheller explained. “In this style, parents often indulge their children to avoid conflict, which can teach habits that are incongruent with teamwork and establishing positive social connections. Children with strong temperaments may be able to take advantage of the lack of boundaries, and an overall lack of rules could lead to disruptive and dangerous behavior,” she shared.
Dr. Thornton explained that in permissive parenting, “Children are given a high degree of freedom in making choices. This might involve flexible bedtimes, unrestricted screen time, or allowing children to dictate what they wear or eat.” She shared that while “Warmth and acceptance can create a positive and loving environment … [and] children can explore their interests and develop autonomy, children may struggle with self-regulation and impulse control due to a lack of boundaries and structure.”
Dr. Thornton continued, “Children might struggle in structured settings or with following rules because of the lack of structure or rules at home.” She added, “Without clear expectations, disagreements and power struggles can arise between children and their parents.” Because age-appropriate expectations aren’t enforced, kids raised with the permissive philosophy are more likely to have poor social skills, be aggressive, show signs of anxiety and depression, and struggle in school.
Before you go, check out how these celebrities navigate parenting to raise their kids to be good humans.
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