Here I am, 20 weeks at last. I say "at last," but the truth is that while one part of me thought I'd never get to this point, the other part can't believe I'm halfway through this pregnancy already! Just like other women's pregnancies seem to pass in no time, so do my own pregnancies when I look back at them.
Time and pregnancy play strange tricks. I very distinctly remember being eight weeks pregnant, miserable with fatigue and sickness, looking ahead to week 13 or 14 -- the start of the second trimester -- that landmark time when all the misery would magically abate. When one feels that lousy, time just drags. I used to lie in bed, depressed with the knowledge that I was going to feel that awful for FIVE or SIX more weeks. I was convinced I might not survive it. Now I can't even keep track of the weeks, they are flying by so quickly and that misery already seems like a blink in time.
What I'm feeling
And it seems that as soon as I hit this half-way milestone, I really started feeling and looking more pregnant. My joints are starting to feel disconnected and though I'm not quite waddling yet, it won't be long. That familiar dull pubic bone ache is starting to settle in as well, along with lots of stretching ligament pains... I have to hang on tight to my belly when coughing or sneezing. At this point, these are the kinds of pregnancy discomforts I don't mind living with since they mean a growing baby in there. :-) And the proof of that is in my waistline! I am definitely looking very pregnant and feeling it, too -- I'm starting to feel lots of movement each day, in fairly predictable patterns. So far, Tony and girls haven't been able to feel it... still a little too fleeting. I love this part though!
Daily heartburn is starting to kick in and I'm afraid I've even had to resort to Zantac a few times already :-(. I think this is one of the problems with being so short-waisted... I rarely get heartburn when I'm not pregnant, but so far I've gotten heartburn so badly with my pregnancies and this one doesn't look to be any different. Unfortunately, no natural remedy or technique will touch it and I think I've tried them all. Regular antacid doesn't make any impact whatsoever. And I get it when my stomach is empty, even! I get it when I drink water -- anything. Ugh. I'm grateful that the Zantac helps it, but I really try not to take it.
Aside from the start of that unpleasantness, I am feeling as wonderful and energetic as I feel when I'm not pregnant. In fact, I've can't remember the last time I've been so motivated and productive and having so much fun. I'm even patient with the girls again and not quite so hormonal with my husband. Life is good. And, unlike the chaos of last week, my computer and office technology is up and running quite well, so life is very good!
I'm giving more and more thought to the fact that I'm actually going to give birth again! Last week, I signed up for childbirth classes with my midwives which are due to start in January. Suddenly the birth of this baby is not seeming all that far away. (See there's that funny time and pregnancy thing again! At 20 weeks, birth seems practically imminent; yet 19 weeks from now you'll find me moaning in this very same space about how this baby will probably never be born and it seems like I've been pregnant forever, yadda yadda.)
Anyway, I started reading Pam England's Birthing From Within recently, which has been very inspiring and has me visualizing this birth. While I've spent most of my pregnancy so far apprehensive of labor and experiencing the pain again, I have to admit that reading this book is making me start to look forward to labor. It's very motivating! I suppose part of that is the natural progression of pregnancy, too. How clearly I remember praying for the pain to start when I was 40 weeks pregnant with Hannah Mac.
We still have a lot of decisions to make and so many preparations! Aside from the supplies we'll need for the birth itself, we're going to need quite a few baby supplies that didn't survive the first two in very good shape. Luckily, most of the really expensive stuff did. But I had also given a lot of stuff away, like infant head support inserts for the infant car seat, the boppy and little things like that. We are going to need a new convertible car seat when this baby has outgrown the infant one, but I don't have to worry about that purchase too soon. Not to mention clothes! I can't believe how much of that I'd given away, sure that it would be many more years before I had another baby, if ever. That's okay, though, I love buying baby clothes :-).