Well, Audrey is out on the name pool options. So strange actually because years ago I had asked my Mom if she would be fine with my naming my daughter (if I were to ever have one) Audrey. She said yes, but I'm guessing that's because it was all so 'hypothetical.' Turns out once it looked like a reality it really threw her for a loop. Her Mom is named Audrey and there's a lot of baggage with their relationship. She wrote me a long letter explaining how she'd love the baby no matter what her name etc. etc., but I could just tell that she was having trouble with it. I've decided it's just not worth it to me to do that to her so I'm back at the drawing board.
With Jackson my husband said, "I like Jackson" and I thought, "I like it too. Ok, lets name him Jackson." Easy as that. This past week I feel like I've been stewing about names endlessly. I can't tell you how many searches I've done looking up names and meanings and spellings and originations. My husband keeps telling me to, "GO TO BED" because I'm still not 100 percent well, but I can't keep myself off this computer. For some reason I feel this need to have it settled.
What keeps bugging me is I'll come up with an idea and tell Neal the name and he'll say, "that's fine" or "that's ok." I don't want our daughter's name to inspire such a reaction as "it's ok." I want us both to feel like, wow, that's it and just know it.
I know I said I'm leaning towards Ava as well and I still am. I really like the sound of Ava Grace and have a gut feeling that's probably what it'll be. But I sort of was so set on Audrey that I felt like I needed to look at other options before making up my mind. Neal likes Juliette and I do too, but I fear there'd be too many J's in our family. I know there's a trend to do that, but it's not me and I don't want to sign our cards, "Love, Neal, Jackie, Jackson and Juliette." It just seems a little too much to me. We do both like Charlotte. But I keep getting the image of the character from 'Sex in the City' in my head and worry the name sounds too 'prissy'. Is that horrible of me.
I'm realizing names really carry a lot with them when you think of people you know or characters etc. that have that particular name. It somehow puts a distinct image in your head about the name. This child's name when it's all said and done is going to be really thought out.
On one hand I think it's good I'm stewing over this instead of the potential for the CMV virus to pass on to her. I've had to let that go. The blood lab still hasn't gotten the results back from my test. It turns out they don't do titers (which makes no sense because it's one of the leading educational research hospitals in the country) so they had to send it out to an outside lab. As of tonight (Friday, September 10th) the results aren't back in. At this point I won't have time to do the follow up titer in two weeks to make sure it's covered under this insurance so I'm just going to wait until I get to my new doctor's office.
I'm also feeling this major nesting mood coming over me in terms of wanting to paint a mural and sew pillows and curtains. It happened last time with Jackson and I wound up doing a couple of murals and the curtains, bumpers and blanket for his crib and cradle. I didn't think I'd have it in me to do it again, but my little wheels are turning and I'm feeling the itch to create. I obviously won't be able to go as crazy as I did before him. What Mom of a toddler has endless hours to play music and paint or sew? None that I know. So I have lowered my expectations, but I am getting a couple of visions that have me excited.
I found the fabric to the bed set that I have for 'baby girl's' room and plan to make a couple of pillow shams out of it in order to help coordinate the guest bed we're keeping in her room. I'm also in love with those little flower fairy drawings and have decided I'm either going to do a mural or a wooden sign to hang by ribbon with a scripture from the bible and a couple of the little fairies on it. Except, to me they're going to be little angels.
One night when I went to bed I was looking through the bible searching for just the right scripture. I wasn't finding it so I prayed that I'd figure it out. That next morning I literally woke with the words, "Turn your eyes to the Lord and He will give you strength." That's a good message to me right now, but it's also a great one for any child as he or she grows up. So I set out to figure out what scriptures match that most closely. I found about four different options, but I think I like this one the best... "Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles." Isaiah 40:31
Here's how much I analyze things. The meaning of Ava is bird, but on a deeper search I found out it means eagle. So if we do decide on Ava, I'd love to have this in her room. I also found this saying written about Isaiah 40:31 by an unknown author.
"Did you know that an eagle knows when a storm is approaching long before it breaks? The eagle will fly to some high spot and wait for the winds to come.
"When the storm hits, it sets its wings so that the wind will pick it up and lift it above the storm. While the storm rages below the eagle is soaring above it. The eagle does not escape the storm, it simply uses the storm to lift it higher. It rises on the winds that bring the storm.
"When the storms of life come upon us ... and all of us will experience them ... we can rise above them by setting our minds and our belief toward God.
"The storms do not have to overcome us, we can allow God's power to lift us above them. God enables us to ride the winds of the storm that bring sickness, tragedy, failure, and disappointment into our lives. We can soar above the storm.
"Remember, it is not the burdens of life that weigh us down, it is how we handle them."
It's interesting to me because all of this is meaning a lot to me right now, but like I said it's something I hope to instill in my children so they never feel alone in their walk in life. Have I mentioned that I've been feeling intensely introspective and emotional. I'm naturally that kind of person, but being pregnant really magnifies it. I've also noticed I'm tearing up at the drop of a hat lately.
In other news on the 'research' front, I finally finished "The Baby Whisperer" last night. I'm hoping to not make some of the mistakes I made last time and found her theories very helpful. Now I'm moving onto "The Happiest Baby On The Block" by Dr. Karp. I saw a story on his 'method' after Jackson was past the worst of his colic. This time around I want to be armed with tools of the trade to do all I can to calm my baby. Last time I don't think I realized how much I didn't know. Going into it all I was more concerned with putting together the nursery and leaving my job and making sure I came out of childbirth alive. I had no idea how little I had prepared for what to do once the baby was here. I learned a lot through that first year and feel wiser as a Mom going into this a second time. Most of all I really want to enjoy this little baby.
I got Jackson two new books this week, one about how he used to be in mommy's tummy and another about him being a big brother. I thought one line was pretty funny where it says, "Mommy's have a special hole that stretches big enough for the baby to come out." Fortunately he hasn't asked more about this special hole. I thought that was an interesting way of putting it, it kind of made me laugh.
I think that's all for this week. Oh, I did find out my closest childhood friend is going to throw me a shower at one of my favorite restaurants called 'Marmalade Cafe.' I've seen people have private parties there and always thought they looked so fun. It's a very country shabby chic kind of place with really fun decorations. I guess they do an afternoon tea for their private parties which is so right up my alley. I was really excited to hear about the plans. I wasn't expecting a shower at all and really don't need much, but still it made me feel loved to have her want to throw it.
Hope everyone is enjoying their pregnancies! Until next time,