First I should update you on the week with Neal and Jackson gone. It was surprising how fast the days flew. I didn't get anywhere near what I wanted to get done. I think I overestimated what was possible to do in one week.
I did finish the mural which was the one thing I really wanted to get done and I did four scrapbook pages. I honestly didn't waste time and other than stopping to eat and the few obligations I had, I was a total hermit. I had to force myself to go out and get groceries mid-week because I just wanted to stay at home. I suppose I should have gone out more, but that's just not what I wanted to do. I felt like this mad artist.
My family kept saying, "Oh you must be missing them so much." Again, suprisingly I was not wallowing in the fact that they were gone. The days went so fast and I talked to them several times a day so I knew all was fine.
There were moments when my country music was on and I was painting away (with acrylic paints that don't have fumes I must add in case you were wondering) where I felt like myself in the old days. I didn't have a care in the world other than to paint and just relax doing it so that was really nice. I was feeling very nostalgic about a lot of things.
As I suspected, Daddy wasn't great about remembering sunscreen and the toothbrush, but I have to hand it to him for doing all he did do. I found out from Jackson about the sunscreen when midway through the trip he told me, "No Daddy hasn't put sunscreen on in Maryland." Then I heard Neal in the background saying, "Are you busting me?" Jackson had a blast and the two of them definitely have lots of fun memories. I must say though I've had to spend every day since he's been back trying to get him to calm down.
My guess is that he was on testosterone overload with Neal, his Uncle and two boy cousins who are seven and 13. Neal told me he saw him changing before his eyes. When they got home I could see it too. His voice level has been a lot louder and he has been acting more rambunctious and wild and aggressive. Add on top of that the fact that his time clock is out of whack and he's overtired, he has been melting down a lot. The first couple of days I had to go into zen mode to not react to the temper tantrums and yelling.
I also finally got him to take a nap and have been putting him to bed early to make up for the fact that he's waking up at 5:30 in the morning. Normally he's a seven or eight a.m. waker so this early rising is killing me. Of course since I was missing him and he's acting so much more grown up and funny it has actually been making me laugh when he's so bright eyed and bushy tailed and the sun isn't even up.
(I know I ought to just get used to being up so early, but that's the point, that I shouldn't have to yet, I know I have all that plus much more coming my way in a few short months).
I'm telling him it's still night night time and his response is, "Well...I'm not tired anymore so maybe, I'll watch just a little bit of TV." It's like he's negotiating in this very grown up tone that makes such perfect sense to him. He cracks me up. However, at several points through the day I'm feeling so exhausted I can barely keep my eyelids open. Last night I got him to bed at seven and immediately went to lie down myself.
We've been having him sleep on a double mattress on the floor, but his big boy bed finally came in so that first day I tried to lie down with him during nap time. It's a lot higher than we realized it would be and I was worried about him falling off. He was also in such an overtired, overstimulated mode he kept trying to slide down so I had to force him to stay put. I told him he had to be quiet because Mom was sleeping. He was quiet, but was definitely not trying to sleep. He was squirming around and playing with his hands etc. My back was turned to him so I couldn't see him, but I suddenly feel these little fingers tickling the side of my belly. Then I hear him whisper, "Hi baby Ava." It took everything in me not to start busting up laughing.
On to baby developments. I finally got to see my new OB. She spent the first fifteen to twenty minutes reading through my files. Her first question was, "Where are your titers?" for my CMV blood tests. I explained my whole situation and that was the reason why I was switching to her mid pregnancy like this. At the end of explaining it all her response was, "Wow, what a story." She couldn't believe the ways I had been 'neglected' and that UCLA claimed they couldn't do titers. She said she knew for a fact that they could.
The big shocker of my appointment was, as she was going through a long list of questions for me, she said, "So you were diabetic your last pregnancy." I said, "No, not that I know of." She told me when I had the three hour glucose test that I tested way into the levels of what was considered diabetic and that she would have had me on a special diet and with a kit where I could prick my finger to monitor my levels on a daily basis. She was surprised my doctor didn't do anything and said, "With those numbers I would have treated you through the rest of your pregnancy and if you're anywhere near that level this time I'm going to treat you for gestational diabetes again." She said that's why Jackson was eight pounds, three ounces at 37 weeks and said I was lucky my water broke early and I was able to have him naturally.
I've had friends ask me if I'm going to report my old doctor or sue him. It's not me to do that kind of thing and I honestly don't have the energy to confront him. But I can tell it's bothering me on a subconscious level because it's coming out in my dreams.
I'm just glad to know I'm in good hands now. I really liked her demeanor as I knew I would from the great recommendations people had given me. I did have my blood glucose test, the CMV test and my thyroid checked, but as of today the results aren't in yet. I'll have to get them on Monday. In the meantime my new doctor recommended I cut back on carbs and eat more protein. Another red flag in her eyes was the fact that I gained nine pounds in this last month. In August I only gained one. I knew during this past week that my legs and feet had been swelling a lot so I'm sure that played a roll.
I have been really tired, but don't know how much that is because of being pregnant and how much of it is because of Jackson getting up so early. I'm fighting the urge for sweets. Doesn't that stink. They're all I want right now! But I definitely don't want to risk problems for the baby or for me.
As the week has progressed I do see us getting back into a groove with Jackson. He's starting to be more like his old self. He's definitely older seeming and having this toddler tendency to throw himself on the floor in all out tantrums when he doesn't get what he wants, but they're not as frequent and my sweet boy is coming back. I'm hoping and praying the morning wake ups start to get later and later. In the meantime I'm trying to make the most of being up before the sun comes up. We've started taking walks around the neighborhood (hilly neighborhood I might add). Jackson loves it, my dog is happy and I know it's good for me.
Aside from trying to make sure I get enough sleep I do still have that list of things to do that I'm slowly trying to check off. I also have quickly learned that having your child in preschool adds a whole new list of obligations. I was asked to help out with the school fundraiser and was required to attend a parent back to school night. We have a teacher parent conference in a couple of weeks and due by next Friday (I learned on Wednesday night) is a family poster with pictures, quotes, drawings or art projects from Jackson. They'll hang one for each child in the classroom, which is a really neat idea. But of course this homework, has just added to my list of things to do. I also have issues with not wanting to just throw something together, little ideas have been swirling around so I know I'll have fun with it. It just means my other 'things to do' will have to be pushed back slightly longer.
Right now I find people saying to me, "So how much longer" or I actually got this one, "You look like you're ready to drop." I hope not! I know my belly looks large, but the OB says she's measuring right on track. To me, January feels like I still have time, but I know it's going to go fast so I do definitely have a sense of a 'deadline' hanging over me to get everything done before the big d-day.
Ok, better get to work. Hope everyone's enjoying their pregnancies so far.
Until next time,