When Dad Doesn't Want To Have Sex Because Of The Bulge

Imagine this scenario: Your hormones are raging, making you feel ready for love. You begin massaging your husband's back and kissing him to signal your desire, but he pulls away. He pats your expanding belly and says, "Let's wait until after the baby is born." Wait! What does he mean, "Wait"? How do you put those raging hormones on ice -- or better yet, how do you convince him otherwise?
Marla Hardee Milling

What's going on?
"My husband is very unresponsive," says expecting mom Debra Gibson. "Since the pregnancy, he claims he is totally freaked about a live human being inside of me and is petrified of hurting the baby. I find myself easily aroused and I want to be intimate with my husband a lot more often than our normal. Being newly married, this has put a strain on our relationship because I have a need to feel desirable, and he has backed off."

Gibson says she has always been a very sexual woman, but finds that her interest has peaked during pregnancy. Women experience increased estrogen and testosterone levels during pregnancy, and that can lead to increased sexual desire. Lana Holstein, MD, director of women's health at Arizona's Canyon Ranch Spa, and author of How to Have Magnificent Sex: the 7 Dimensions of a Vital Sexual Connection, says pregnant women also have increased lubrication and increased bloodflow to the genital region, which can create a greater awareness of their sexual desire.

"The second trimester is where you see pregnancy women having the most interest in sex," says Holstein. She reasons that women are less interested in the first trimester because of nausea, while fatigue and size can hinder sex during the third trimester.

Kenneth Johnson, MD, director of the Women's Health Center at Nova Southeastern University in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, says increased sexual desire in pregnant women may be related to the loss of fear of becoming pregnant.

"Also, many women report superior orgasms -- more intense and vaginal, rather than clitoral," says Johnson. "Hormones may play a role also. Progesterone is a smooth muscle relaxant, and this may explain the enhanced orgasm. Testosterone levels may also be higher -- need I say more?"

Why do some men retreat?
Men decline sex with their pregnant partners for a variety of reasons. Like Gibson's husband, many are afraid of hurting the baby. They may also be concerned about causing premature labor, and this fear can be exacerbated when a pregnant woman has an orgasm, because her uterus contracts.

"It is true that we advise individuals who are threatening to go into premature labor to not have sex," says Holstein. "But in general, it's not an issue."

Some men may find themselves less attracted to their wives as their pregnant bodies go through incredible changes and lots of expansion. A father-to-be may also have trouble identifying with his wife's new role of motherhood.

"A man may think, 'This person is about to become the mother of our children,'" says Holstein. "A mother is a very different thing than a wife and a lover. He may find that anticipating her as a mother puts her in a different category. It has a lot to do with the way he was raised, and culturally, how he views sexuality."

Time to speak up
Holstein says it's time to sit down and talk if a woman feels like her non-verbal clues aren't working. "She needs to say, 'What's going on here? I need to know that you're with me, connected to me and committed to me.' If she's feeling abandoned, then that's something that has to be discussed, so he can begin to be aware of how she feels."

Gibson talked with her husband about her desire, and she successfully persuaded him to resume their lovemaking. But they have also found other ways to be intimate: massaging, kissing and hugging each other.

"I just allow my husband his space to handle this the way he feels most comfortable. I respect his decision and have learned to find other ways to be intimate with him, and also found other ways to satisfy myself with his help and encouragement," says Gibson. "He is a very loving, gentle and caring man, and I am thankful that he at least cares enough about this baby to want the very best."

How to stay connected
"The way to stay connected is to really focus on not detaching from each other as individuals," says Holstein. She offers the following tips to help pregnant women re-connect with their mates:

Soul Gazing -- This is a Tantra technique that involves the couple sitting across from each other, holding hands and gazing into each other's eyes. This allows the couple to connect heart and soul first, before they reach out to touch bodies.

Weekend Touch Fest -- The rules here involve touching each other every hour for a whole weekend. It doesn't have to lead to anything, but it does help a couple stay connected.

Conscious Kissing -- When you kiss, take time to look into the other person's eyes and to feel the softness of the lips. Think about why you are with this person. It's quite simple and may take only an extra 30 seconds, but it involves being aware and being deliberate about your relationship.

Enjoying the moment
If you're one of those pregnant women experiencing a surge of new desire, enjoy it -- it may not last for long. And if you're trying to encourage your man to turn up the heat in the bedroom, toss out those big ugly pregnancy briefs and utilitarian nursing bras. Just because you're pregnant doesn't mean you have to stop wearing sexy clothes.

"We offer beautiful lingerie for the pregnant woman, including thong panties and lacy underwear," says Sandy Urna, a merchandiser/designer for a maternity clothing company. "These items help you feel sexy and feminine."

One of the company's top sellers, along with the thong panties, is seamless underwear in silky, supple fabric. But Urna says maternity clothing in general is sexier these days. "Stretch fabric has changed fashions for the pregnant woman," says Urna. "She's not hiding her shape anymore. She's showing off her belly more than she has in the past."

So the next time your husband says, "Wait until after you have the baby," just smile and try some of the techniques listed above. And don't forget to model your new thong panties for him.PregnancyAndBaby.com


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scott April 08, 2015
am scott from usa, i have been in marriage with my wife for the past 10 years no kid, we went to different hospital seeking for a solution, my wife treating to divorce me until one faithful day when i saw an old friend when i was coming from work, he ask after my wife and kids, i was so sad and he ask what is the matter with me and i explain all to him. he directed me to contact dr ladiri who help him broke his own york at drladiri42@gmail.com, after one week my wife became pregnant. we live a happy life with beautiful daughter. please share this story to save marriage. he is the only temple i can be sure and make marriage life a happy home.
sham January 15, 2015
The issue i'm having is me initiating the sex all the time and if I don't he'll go dayyysssss and weeksssss without mentioning or touching the subject of sex sometimes I even sleep naked well most of the time and he's not even phased. I cry about it sometimes because I tell him and he doesn't seem to see a problem and I feel like if I have to initiate sex all the time he's not really interested and I begin to feel like i'm literally begging to be touched i've touched myself (tmi sorry) more than he's touched me, at this point I just feel like not even talking about sex and how I feel because it gets me no where i'm 33 weeks pregnant and I feel like he's not attracted to me at all. Any advice you can give me on this?
brad November 21, 2014
i'm not attracted to my wife when she's pregnant because she looks like a fat chick.. i take a viagra just to get through it.. after a few months she gets hot again and then i'm like BOING
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ogra demands measures alongside baby making love self care gangs throughout Manchester

Mr Mogra, any MCB asst . secretary basic, reported: is surely an daunting together with abhorrent types of thinking which can be absolutely undesirable whatever kind or maybe religious beliefs.

of these perpetrators with previously been guilty were on the Muslim local community so we have to be along at the pretty the front with the style which can be condemning this particular.

must be ready to connect out using this form of criminality along with tell our own neighborhood from the responsibility in order to safeguard kids in addition to young people out of this method of exploitation.

keeps talking before we certainly have gone the following menace coming from culture. The actual MCB can be utilizing organisations including the cops, the particular NSPCC in addition to Muslim communities to boost knowing of the challenge also to high light individuals need to communicate in available in opposition to it all.

The actual Islamic Local of england is definitely refining their plans nationalized seminar to teach individuals about grooming, he was quoted saying.

Mister Mogra mention available against the practice as he appeared upon BBC Radio Three On the course this weekend.

The particular system furthermore chatted for you to Leicester Eastern Mayor Keith Vaz, who's going to be chairman of the property Extramarital relationships pick panel, which is checking out the size and style from the offense.

Mr Vaz said to the programme: is not a <a href=http://www.macsupportx.com/css/wbxzpsceh7/>red canada goose vest </a> explanation just for this style of criminality, the person is usually associated with the idea, nonetheless put on understand that it is a certain lot of people, I wear assume it all a certain race or perhaps religious beliefs. A child Exploitation and internet based Safeguard Hub (CEOP) stated youngster lovemaking exploitation spanned societies along with civilizations while the recently available incidents experienced in which Chinese males are already in an <a href=http://www.macsupportx.com/css/sqy0k58tdz/>where can you buy canada goose jackets </a> organized way throughout discovering younger ladies Any CEOP speaker mentioned: of these scenarios involved culprits from various backdrops as well, although CEOP usually are examining so why there will probably be many The natives of these unique types of offence<a href=http://www.nationalfilmcenter.gov.al/blog/index.php?nike-shox-dreams-kvinder-khaki/>nike shox dreams kvinder khaki</a>. Mister Mogra's stereo visual appeal may be been told here:For some reason should be genuine I actually purchasing carefully thread include faded as get that surrounding a previous writer where opinions My spouse and i known

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I have the same abandoned feeling since I'm at my 35wks of pregnancy. We had sex almost almost everyday before I conceive and on a regular basis until I'm on my 3rd trimester when I became heavy and started to have cramps after each session... This is when my husband started to find that our sex is not interesting anymore. We had a two weeks off sex and I don't feel good about it. He tried to avoid being alone with me and rejects even when I wanted to hug him. So after I told my husband about my concerns of his sexual needs - his respond was he's fine and doesn't want me to feel tired. now in my 38wks my instinct told me something is a miss and I found out he had signed up on an online sex mate website wanting an erotic chat or even a 1-1 discreet sex. I was devastated and stomped at him immediately at 3am while he was snoring... All he said was he's only checking on them and not to the extent of engaging the relationship.... I accepted his reason but I'm still hurt. It really broke my heart... Should I believe him that he's not engaged in such activities? I suddenly feel that our 10yrs marriage is still a gamble Eventhou I love him a lot and now I'm not sure whether he really loves me? We had sex right after the arguement and he said thank you...