Front row seats?
The pressure is on. Your mother-in-law wants to be in the delivery room to be the first to see the new grandchild. Your mother insists on watching too. Your sister is curious to see what childbirth looks like, and your grandmother's fondest wish is to see the birth of the next generation.
Even your next door neighbor wants to get in on the act in order to wow you with his videotaping skills. It seems that childbirth today has become a public spectacle, open to all who feel they have paid their entry fee.
Determining who should be with you as your child enters the world is a very
personal choice. This decision will depend on your interpersonal
relationships, your feelings about -- and experience with -- childbirth, and your
evaluation of those around you.
Intimacy
Childbirth is a time of great excitement. You will have intense emotions,
ranging from fear to elation. You will experience bodily discomfort, and
will also be physically exposed. If this is your first child, it is
difficult to predict how you will react while laboring. Do you want your
mother-in-law to hear you if you swear or curse? How about your mother?
Will she be able to see you in pain and give you the emotional support you
need, or will she end up a bundle of trembling nerves, perhaps making you
even more nervous than necessary? Childbirth can be messy and indelicate --
will you feel uneasy if your father is watching?
When deciding who to allow with you, try and gauge what their reactions will
be. You shouldn't have to worry about the comfort of others while giving birth;
you should be as relaxed and natural as possible. Those who surround you should be people
with whom you feel completely at ease.
A supportive atmosphere
Support during childbirth is important as well. When laboring, you will have
choices to make, and those should be respected. Even if you have gone
through Lamaze and planned a natural childbirth, there may come a time when
you consider asking for medication ? or you may deem it unnecessary. If your
best friend will push you to have an epidural, leave her out in the waiting
room. If your sister-in-law is going to tell you that a medicated
childbirth is foolish, she shouldn't be there. Whoever is in the room should
always keep your needs and desires first and foremost in their minds: Whether that means giving you a backrub, getting you medication, or simply
sitting quietly, what you require should be primary. Make sure the people
in the room with you are prepared to support you completely.
Who should be there
Your husband or significant other should be there, of course.
Squeamishness is not uncommon in
men in these situations, but seeing his child being born is an
experience he will never forget. Another valuable person to have around
is a doula.
Judith states, "By my fourth child, I had become firmly convinced of
the value of doulas. Having a doula improves most every aspect of birth
-- labor sare faster and require less pain medication, there are fewer
C-sections, and
sometimes clueless dads can be helped to be more involved in the labor
and birth."
Finally,
anybody you love, who will support you, and with whom you want to share
in this experience should be welcomed into the labor room.
Siblings
Having siblings present during the birth of the newest member of the family
is growing in popularity. Whether they should be there or not is an issue
of their maturity and your labor history.
Says Judith Turner, "While I am in principle agreeable to having siblings present, I find I really need a quiet setting so I can concentrate on labor, and small kids aren't conducive to that." Childbirth is a beautiful experience but can be quite graphic, which might be disturbing to younger children. Make sure that your child is old enough to understand that you aren't injured or in danger. "If I were giving birth today I could see having my son there," says Valerie Hyndman. "My two births were pretty untraumatic, and I think it would be interesting for him."
Most hospitals provide classes for siblings in preparation of childbirth,
and if you plan on him or her attending your birth, it would be a very good idea to sign your child up.
Fond memories
"When my son, Benjamin, was born via
emergency c-section, I was there and so was Karen's dad Carl. He is a
big part of our lives and our best friend," recalls William Homer.
"Carl's three children were born during the Ricky Ricardo era, when
smoking dads paced the waiting room floor
until doctors emerged through swinging doors holding the baby over
their
heads, and while somewhere in the depths of the hospital mom was
probably
still unconscious. Benjamin was the first child whose birth he
witnessed.
In addition to sharing the event, we were treated to unbelievable
photographs he took, capturing every key moment of the birth. I still
can't
believe Karen, while being prepped for the procedure, was able to
convince
this quiet, unassuming man he was welcome to participate in the most
intimate moment of her life. But I'm sure glad she did."
You will never have a more intimate and intense experience than when your
child is born and when you first gaze upon that beautiful face. Make sure
you share it with somebody who will enrich your lives and make the memory
unforgettable.
