I was the first among all my friends to have a baby - my son Cedar. It was hard. My...
I was the first among all my friends to have a baby - my son Cedar. It was hard. My childless friends (ahem all of them) didn't get that I couldn't spring off on a moment's notice anymore to hit the art show or a concert. My pals liked Cedar of course, but didn't like that I couldn't spend hours on the phone or had to stop and feed, change, or sooth Cedar on and off when we'd go out. They REALLY didn't get why I was so tired all the time and not my usual peppy self. It can be very hard to have kids when none of your pals do, but that doesn't mean you need to lose them. Here's how to deal. Cut out the baby chat - for the most part dirty diaper, first smiles, and other cool baby tidbits don't tend to enthrall your childless pals. Keep the topic off your baby at least 80% of the time (I know it's hard, but try). Plan for threesomes ahead of time - your baby is now part of a package deal. Tell friends that you can meet them for coffee or lunch but that the baby is coming along. Tell friends that the baby will mostly be sleeping anyhow and that the two of you can still chat. If your friends fuss about this (more than the baby) they're not being very understanding. Get some mama friends - my world perked up a lot once I made some friends who were also parents. I still loved my childless pals, but it made it easier to also have parents as pals who get that childless pals can be a pain at times. Stay connected - even a home-bound mama can check her email, use the phone (for a bit), or have friends over. Use breastfeeding time to chat. BEST OF ALL... Just wait - my BBF was a little obnoxious when I had my son. She was nice about him, loved him to death, and was super helpful, but she HATES being late, or stopping to take care of a baby when she could be going going going. She never liked having to wait for me to pack the diaper bag and would get cranky if she had to wait to leave because Cedar was fussy. Well, two years ago she had a baby girl and you would not believe the change. She's patient, knows what it's like to deal with a surprise tantrum, and gets why I was always exhausted. Trust me, you won't always be the only one in your group with a kid, and once other pals have some, they'll be much more understanding. Try hard not to say, "I told you so!"

Tags: friends with no kids make some mama pals pals without kids parentless friends


recommended for you

Comments