Technically that title above is misleading. Not to sound like a cliché, but in my opinion all mamas are
working mamas. However, there are some difference between working outside the home and spending all day at home with your little ones. One of the major problems you see on the play date circuit is the debate between the two mamas. It goes a little like this...
- SAHM will say something akin to, "I'd hate it if I had to leave my kids with a stranger all day - I don't know how you do it." The result; a mama who works outside the home feels guilty or upset and targeted.
- Working mama will say something akin to, "I can't believe you spend all day doing nothing but baby care! Plus aren't you worried about reentering the job market later? If I were you I'd go nuts." The result; a mama who stays at home with her kids feels guilty or upset and targeted.
As a mama you should try really hard to refrain from calling out another mama when it comes to her choices about working outside the home. It's a
very personal decision and when other mamas make comments about whichever choice, it can result in hurt feelings, anger, and worse it's not really helping any mama to be a better mama when she's got to worry about what her friends think.
What if you're the target? If you're the target of a seemingly snotty remark try to keep it in perspective. Many mamas feel torn between working outside the home and if another mama is handing you snotty comments she may just be feeling bad or unsure about her own decision. Plus, there's always a chance that you're being a little overly sensitive. For example, when I went to college FT when my son was little I took remarks about him being in daycare way too hard because frankly, I'd have rather been home FT with him. If your friend truly keeps hassling you about your choice trying being nice but firm and honest with her, such as, "
When you say it's sad (over and over) that my son has to be in daycare it hurts my feelings because you're devaluing my choice to have a job outside the home." You don't have to be so formal of course, but you get the picture. Mamas need to stick together and that means supporting other mamas and their choices.
Have you ever had another mama devalue your choice about working outside the home OR being a SAHM?
