Is It Normal To Feel Unsure About Being Pregnant Or Even Parenthood?

I’m at the end of my little rope, and I am swinging back and forth about you. ~ Ani DiFranco...
I’m at the end of my little rope, and I am swinging back and forth about you. ~ Ani DiFranco Ambivalence towards motherhood is something that's common and also commonly not spoken about because most mamas (in my experience) feel that they should be 100% on board with parenting 100% of the time but that's not really realistic. Ambivalence is when you have simultaneous, conflicting feelings toward a person, issue or object - and any mama worth her salt will admit that she's felt this way at least once in her life about parenting or even felt that way about (gasp) her baby or pregnancy. During pregnancy you may be feeling ambivalent because your body is changing, hormones go chaotic, your relationship with your partner is altered forever and you may be leaving a job you love with worries about getting it back. After your baby comes you'll have happy days, harder days and possibly even days when you want to toss this whole parenting deal out the window. As a parent you'll have days where confidence is high, you glow and you can take on the world. Other days all it takes is one lame comment from another mama or a bad bout of baby crying and you may be thinking, “What have I gotten myself into!Why bring it up? While the media tends to portray mamahood as an ever peaceful event in reality parenting can be damn hard. Celebrities and TV mamas seem happy, confident and totally blissful all the time but nothing is perfect all the time and it is ok to admit that. I've met tons of mamas who do have bad days and feel bad about admitting it; thinking it'll make them seem like a bad parent. It won't though. Get over that guilt. Bad days happen and keeping those guilty feelings stuck inside isn't healthy. I love being a mama. Honestly on a good day I'll tell you that it’s the best thing that EVER happened in my world. But I also have days where all I want to do is quit — quit preparing healthy foods, quit reading stories, quit running untold of amounts of laundry, quit answering the same questions 9,000 times. I had bad days when my son was a baby and still do now as he grows. That doesn't make me the worst mama ever though, it just makes me normal. Mamas everywhere can and should respect their ambivalence by using a “So What” mentality.
  • So What: If you don't enroll in mama-baby yoga and other twosome classes.
  • So What: If you buy jarred baby food instead of growing, grinding and freezing your own.
  • So What: If you sometimes need to walk away from your baby for a break.
  • So What: If you don't want to be a stay-at-home mama.
  • So What: If you cry because you miss your non-pregnant body.
You can say “so what” some of the time and the world won’t end. Your baby will still grow and thrive and love you. Feeling vulnerable, shaky, unneeded, alone, and completely baffled with that baby are natural at any stage of motherhood. Luckily so are feelings of exhilaration, happiness, peace and sheer delight. Many mama pals I've had have also had all these feelings. Instead of trying to come off as perfect (and driving yourself crazy in the process) you should hook up with other mamas and resources that understand and respect mamahood ambivalence. Here are some resources that can help you feel less alone in your most ambivalent moments...

Tags: bad mom don't like my baby good mom hard being a mama mamahood mom message boards mothering single mom unsure about pregnancy


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