I've
never believed in spanking and I've never ever hit my son. Honestly, I don't even believe in yelling - and if I do lose my temper and shout (rare) I apologize to my son because I'd want him to do the same. I don't believe in violent discipline because...
- Violence leads to violence. If you hit your child to make a point guess what he'll do to make his next point.
- I believe people are smart enough to talk issues out. If you hit because that's all you can think to do, I'm sorry, but you need a new smarter game plan. Learn to speak to people not just hit them - and yes, your child is a person, no matter how small.
- I love my son. Now, an argument I hear often is, "I spank my kid because I love him." Really? I love lots of people. I loved my grandma like mad. I love my partner, my sister, my friends and guess what - I love them so much I don't hit them to prove a point. Would you hit grandma? Your spouse? If my boyfriend hit me I'd seriously reconsider how much (or even if) he loves me.
- Hitting is scary. Hitting, yelling, taunting and more are all very emotionally scary experiences for children. I don't want to terrify my son. I've heard parents say, "But I only hit when I'm calm" and honestly that freaks me out more. If you're so calm, why not come up with a calm reaction rather than a violent one? If someone hits me, they better be angry at the time or I'm going to assume they're nuts.
Most of all though, I don't hit my child
because it's violent. You can argue that spanking or slapping your child is not violent until the cows come home, but I won't ever believe you. It is violent. Hitting is violent. If you hit another adult, even a total stranger, even in self-defense you can be arrested for ASSAULT. If you hit another persons child you can be arrested for assault. If you hit an elderly adult while working in a nursing home you can be arrested for assault. Seemingly the only people the law feels that it's ok to hit are little children who belong to you. There's something VERY wrong with this picture. We dress up "hitting" with words like "spanking" to make it sound better but hitting is hitting. Call it what it is. If you spank why not tell people you hit your child because that's exactly what you're doing. Assault is assault is assault. The sooner we treat our children with the respect we give total strangers the better.
Need more reasons? A
new study published this month in the journal
Pediatrics, notes that spanking leads to some major child aggression. Researchers at Tulane University note that those who were spanked more frequently at age 3 were more likely to be aggressive by age 5. The research also shows that the more frequently that a child is hit the more their violent behavior increases. A study by Duke University researchers showed that infants who were spanked at 12 months scored lower on cognitive tests at age 3. The American Academy of Pediatrics strongly opposes hitting a child for any reason. They note, "
If a spanking is spontaneous, parents should later explain calmly why they did it, the specific behavior that provoked it, and how angry they felt. They also might apologize to their child for their loss of control." They also suggest other modes of
dealing with poor behavior instead of hitting such as a time-out, talking to your child and allowing for natural consequences of their actions. When I was in college for nursing, my pediatric clinical instructor also noted that there is always another path you can take over hitting a child. Talk it out, take away a privilege but don't hit.
To sum up: The AAP notes that despite recommendations from the American Academy of Pediatrics against spanking, most parents in the U.S. approve of and have used corporal punishment as a form of child discipline. That sucks. Especially since researchers have stated over and over that even minor forms of corporal punishment increase the risk for child aggressive behavior.
What do you think? Do you believe in hitting your kids? Why or why not?
