Mom’S Guilt Begins Early
If you’re pregnant after infertility or a loss, you may feel at odds with complaining about legitimate and miserable pregnancy symptoms. How do you share the misery of a difficult pregnancy without feeling guilty that you may sound ungrateful?
It may just be in your head
I had a successful pregnancy after three years of trying to conceive and suffering one loss. I was over-the-moon ecstatic, but that pregnancy was pretty brutal, especially towards the end. I had trouble shaking the feelings of guilt that I felt every time I even thought about how awful I felt. I thought that people would think poorly of me or that I was ungrateful. But as it turns out, that was all in my head.
Really, my conflicting feelings were all me. And it was strange considering how much of my life I life according to only those that really matter -- myself and my family members. Not one of those people would think, for a second, that I didn’t truly cherish and appreciate that pregnancy. So why was I so wigged out about what other people thought?
It is the passage of time that has revealed the truth of the matter to me, but while I was living it, I daren’t utter a word that went against my joyful expectation. I don’t know how many people thought I felt wonderful and had an easy pregnancy, because I didn’t.
Complaining is normal
Some pregnancy complaining is normal. Yes, many of us wanted a baby, and knew that feeling not-so-great was part of the bargain, but let’s be real -- pregnancy can be draining, may cause serious issues such as weight loss from extreme morning sickness, and can be painful, especially for those of us who are older fourth-time moms (like I was).
No one wants to hear constant complaining, whether someone is pregnant or not, but we should also feel free to be honest when someone wants to know how we’re doing. Admitting that you’re exhausted beyond belief doesn’t mean that you don’t like your baby or aren’t excited at her impending arrival -- it means that you’re human and can admit that you feel terrible.